


time spent with you

by deanslist



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, CEO Lena Luthor, F/F, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, It's really really really really slowburn, Professor Kara Danvers, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2019-06-28 23:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15717192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanslist/pseuds/deanslist
Summary: Every story has a conflict. This story has one too many.





	1. chapter i

The house was silent, save for the sound of a toilet flushing.

Kara stepped out with a soft sigh, arm still extended to the back as her fingers lingered on the light switch. She wasn’t one of those people who left one light open in the middle of the night, but there was a certain sight she was only given the chance to see in moments like this; when she’d get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom; when there were no audience; and when there was no necessary commitments to take care of.

In moments like this, she’d linger just a little bit longer, drink in the sight of it to remind herself that this was her life; that things weren’t quite the same, even when it felt like so when she was living her life as she was asked to do: normally.

However, just like the usual occurrences during her days, this moment was brief and soon the room was bathed in darkness once again. Kara closed the door and padded towards the bed, sitting very slowly on the edge while running the palm of her hand down her face, before lying down gently so as to not disturb the other occupant.

The both of them faced away from each other. Not because they were fighting, but because that was just how they laid upon their bed at night. It was a habit, something they won’t be breaking anytime soon, or at all.

“Good night, Lena.” Kara murmured into the still night, not entirely expecting a response. The woman had already been asleep for hours, after all. “See you tomorrow night.”

With a soft sigh and wife smiling at her in her mind, Kara succumbed back into a dreamless sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

_**July 30, 2010** _

 

After realizing certain things in her life, Kara had expected things to go down the drain. Not necessarily with her family, but with just how her life usually flowed on a daily basis. She kissed a man, realized it wasn't quite what she liked, and found out that she would rather kiss a woman. She expected her adoptive parents to, at least, look confused about the revelation, but they celebrated with her instead, and at that time, it seemed as though it was everything that Kara could ever ask for.

If she had known the reason behind their easy smiles and acceptance, she would just have chosen to keep everything to herself.

The longer she sat on that chair, the more she wanted to just disappear into thin air, like one of those magicians or supernatural creatures in the movies. That would be very advantagous, especially with these old people looking at her as if trying to see if there was anything wrong with her.

There was nothing wrong with her. They knew this already, otherwise, they wouldn't be here in the first place.

Why waste time on something not worth their attention?

"Before anything else, I'd like to greet you a happy birthday, albeit belated, Kara." the old man sat on the other side of the table began after taking a brief sip of his wine. "I heard it was _quite_ a blast."

Her adoptive parents laughed softly beside her. In a different circumstance, she imagined herself laughing along with them.

She came out on her eighteenth birthday, figured that it was the perfect time to let them know who she truly was. Accepted, loved, and cared for; who would have thought that they had hidden intentions behind their warm hugs?

"Thank you, sir," she replied, voice soft and almost inaudible, if not for the silence provided by the private dining room. There really wasn't much to say. Even at eighteen, she knew she didn't have the right to say anything, which could possibly break whatever agreement the adults had. Just be polite, be grateful, and sit quietly.

The old man snorted, waving his hand dismissively as he looked at her with mirth in his eyes. "No need for sir. When my Lena turns eighteen in two month's time, you will be calling me _father_."

There it was. The last nail on her coffin.

Kara chanced a look at _Lena_ , the girl who'd been sitting quietly across her since they all arrived in the dining room. She was beautiful - no, she was _ethereal_ , her beauty incomparable to all the girls Kara had met in her life. Her eyes were as green as the forest just as the sun was rising up from the horizon, pale and almost grey, yet the green was still there. Her skin was akin to that of the moon on a cloudless night that was her hair, falling freeily down her chest as she kept her head bowed down, as if she was avoiding the people around her.

Truly, Kara didn't blame her.

Kara watched her jaw clenched, and after a few seconds of silence, Lena finally looked up to meet her eyes. "After dinner, I would like to talk to my _future wife_."

Her words were no more than a whisper, but it was enough to make Kara's heart skip a beat. No, it wasn't because of her voice sounding so smooth and deep despite her age.

Kara was scared.

"Well, you will not hear me say no to that, Lena," Jeremiah replied with an easy smile, lifting his glass of wine before taking a small sip.

Dinner proceeded quietly with the adults making small talk here and there; small talk being wedding plans, merging plans, and strategies for future projects. The teenagers didn't say much. They didn't eat much either, and when it was time for the adults to take a leisurely walk to the restaurant's high balcony, they were finally left behind once the dishes were cleared from the table. Silence took over once more, neither of them willing to break the small comfort of not having to say anything. However, some things were needed to be said, and Lena was the first to break it just as Kara was about to ask her what it was she needed to talk about.

"I have a boyfriend," she said in one breathing, eyes locked with Kara's. "And I love him so much. I planned on marrying him when we're ready." She paused to drink mouthfuls of water, as if speaking was hard for her.

If she only knew how hard it was for Kara to breathe.

"Obviously, that isn't possible anymore because of this arrangement our parents dropped on our heads without prior notice." Lena chuckled bitterly, and Kara found herself matching it, albeit in a softer volume. "But don't worry. I _will_ marry you. All my life, I have been preparing to take over our company. Without it, without this merger, I have _nothing_ else in my life and I wouldn't want to grow up not having any use."

Kara wanted to argue that everyone always had a choice and multiple chances to find themselves when things didn't work. However, for people of their place in life? Perhaps, Lena did have a point, so she kept silent and allowed the other girl to continue.

"I will marry you," Lena reiterated. "But I will not break up with him. _I will marry you_ , but it will only be in the papers. My parents could care less about what I do with my life, as long as I do well with our company. Your parents seem to be... _nice_ enough to let you do your own thing-"

"Save for finding my own wife, apparently," Kara quipped bitterly.

Lena's eyebrow raised, and if Kara looked closer, she'd probably see the amusement deep withis those eyes.

"Right. That. As I was saying, we will be married by law, that much I will respect. But, I will not sacrifice my relationship with my boyfriend for this, _Kara_. Let's live the way we planned before this day. I am sure our parents will not make a big deal out of this. It is a _secret_ merger, right?"

Kara gave her a clueless smile, shoulders shrugging ever so gently. It was true. Kara didn't really know anything at all. Before this day, she didn't care for much about her adoptive parents' practice - they had their own daughter for that, Alex - so, the chances of her knowing what's going on was slim to none.

"So, what do you think?" Lena asked, looking so beautiful with high hopes in her eyes. So hopeful, Kara couldn't find it in herself to disagree.

"I can do that."

 

* * *

 

 

Eight years later, as the sun's rays seeped through their blinds, Kara questioned herself once more if she could _still_ do it. Waking up to an empty bed, Kara should be used to this by now. The night after their wedding, they had to learn to sleep on the same bed after realizing that their wedding wasn't quite as covert as they initially thought. The world practically knew of their wedding, and so they had to make adjustments with their agreement. They would live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, make appearances when necessary to keep their _love alive_ to the eyes of the public, but they never woke up together. They never shared more than a few choice of words when they see each other before night by chance.

Lena always left first to start her day with her lover, Jack, and Kara was always left alone to care for herself.

As she stirred her cup of coffee while sat alone at the kitchen island, Kara wondered just when she began feeling _things_ when it came to her wife. It never bothered her when she'd open her eyes to a spacious bed. It never bothered her to see Jack leave the house just as she was pulling into their garage. It never bothered her to see Lena kiss him inside her office when Lena, in very rare occassions, forgot to activate her switch glass. Kara was always there to make sure that no one saw her wife kiss another man.

Why she decided to become Lena's protector?

She wasn't quite sure, herself.

She's shaken out of her thoughts by the buzzing of her phone. Kara glance down to see her sister's name flashing on the screen, and she groaned as she looked at the time on her wristwatch. Alex was arriving soon.

Swallowing the rest of her coffee, Kara picked up the phone and began his quick trip back to her room. "Alex, I'm definitely ready. My briefcase is all packed and organized. I just... need to shower real quick and get dressed."

" _Definitely ready, she said_." Kara could almost imagine the sardonic smile on Alex's face, but only replied with a quick _bye!_ and ended the call.

It was going ot be just another day. Kara had dealt with worse before.

Everything will be fine.

 


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments! I'm so glad you found it interesting!
> 
> This is a relatively short update, but I hope to learn how to write longer chapters in the future. Again, no beta; all mistakes are mine!

_**September 30, 2010** _

 

They got married on the day Lena Luthor turned eighteen.

 

What the young adults thought would be a quick ceremony had turned out to be _quite_ an extravagant event. Cameras flooded all corners of the church - save for the altar, of course - and as they recited the vows they were made to memorize, the world watched as two powerful families were joined by the _love_ of two beautiful women. Many were skeptical of the wedding, of course, not blinded by the brilliant smiles and loving the gazes and the longing touches. The numbers were there ("Eighteen! Who marries on the day they turn eighteen? The daughter of a rich couple, apparently. That marriage is fake!") and people shouted for their right to be able to do what they want in life, but the show must go on.

 

The wedding would happen, and it did.

 

The venue where they were having their celebratory dinner was as packed with media outlets as their wedding. It was for that very reason that Kara and Lena had to smile a little bigger, stand a little closer, and touch a little longer. As they danced on the floor, Kara's arms were tight around Lena's waist, as if she couldn't bear any second longer to be away from her wife. Lena's head was resting on Kara's shoulder, as if making up for the fact that she couldn't press her ear against her wife's heart, so she opted to have her forehead pressed against the steady pulse on her neck. It was a beautiful sight. If people were to ignore the obvious fact that they were too young to be there (and to make their own decisions for themselves), they would see nothing but a young couple so deeply in love with each other; a couple who married young because they couldn't wait to start their lives together.

 

The journalists only saw that, apparently, and it was probably the very reason why their parents decided to make the marriage as public as possible.

 

Because there's no such thing as arranged marriages in modern times. Good word, no. That's _barbaric_ and violates the rights of humans to choose for their lives.

 

No.

 

There are just two ladies who fell in love.

 

That's it.

 

* * *

 

 

Classes had just been adjourned and Kara was back to her office until her next class, which was in two hours' time.

 

A whimper echoed within the four corners of the room, followed by a sharp gasp and drawled out moan of a certain professor's name; one with rich, golden locks and a crooked pair of glasses on her nose.

 

Slick fingers slid out of fluttering walls and the cheeky, bespectacled professor brought them up to her mouth to clean them off with her tongue, before giving into the urge of claiming the woman's lips with her own. The kiss didn't last much long, just tongues curling against each other to share the taste of a woman's release, and then they were pulling away, mingled breaths finally slowing down to steady puffs and pulls.

 

"We don't kiss," Siobhan panted, still winded from her orgasm. "You told me that."

 

Kara, still not bothering to smooth her appearance, merely chuckled and finally reached up to fix her glasses. "I know. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

 

"Well, you don't hear me complaining." Siobhan grinned, one arm slithering around Kara's neck once more as she moved in to kiss the professor again. "I'd like to think that this is an achievement for me.

 

Kara allowed the kiss for the second time, relishing in the softness of the other woman's lips, until she remembered that, no, they weren't supposed to be kissing. It only made things... _personal._

 

She pulled away as slowly and as naturally as she could, allowing herself to linger for a second or two, before gathering herself away from the brunette. She did quick work on tucking her shirt back into her pants and combing her hair back into her tight ponytail with her fingers. When she turned, Siobhan had also fixed herself and looked just as gorgeous as she did before their short debauchery. Usually, Kara would walk the other professor to her door, pretend as though they'd just been discussing term papers to the passing students outside of her soundproofed office, and go on their merry way, but today seemed different. Kara sat on her swivel chair and clasped her hands over her stomach, watching as Siobhan made her way back to her, bending down to press the softest kiss on her cheek.

 

"Just because we didn't kiss when we had sex in the past few months, doesn't change the fact that you're cheating on your wife, Professor Danvers."

 

Kara's jaws tensed as she looked at Siobhan defiantly, her face the image of impassiveness. If only the other professor knew just how long her wife had been _cheating_ on her, their arrangement at the moment would be put to shame. Still, like the nice person she was, Kara accepted the jibe with a lifted chin.

 

All Siobhan could do was chuckle as she walked to the door with an extra sway of her hips.

 

"I'll see you tomorrow, Professor Danvers." She bade goodbye as she opened the door, waiting for Kara's response.

 

"You too, Professor Smythe."

 

As much as Siobhan was the perfect woman to partake dalliances with, she _could_ be a huge pain in the backside. That, and the fact that she didn't know anything about Kara and Lena. If not careful, Kara knew that the other professor might get ideas of exposing her to Lena in hopes of having Kara all to herself. Not that it would matter to Lena under normal circumstances, she thought bitterly, but it would definitely matter to her if words went out and reached their parents. Kara sighed heavily as she slumped into her chair, her hand moving up to massage her temples with tensed fingers - fingers that still smelled of Siobhan. Wincing, she rolled towards her desk and pulled out a bottle of alcohol, cleansing her hands as much as she can before her graduate student would arrive. It didn't take long until three knocks resounded inside her room.

 

"Come in!"

 

A pale, young lady opened the door and greeted her with a smile and a wave of her hand. "Good morning, Doctor Danvers."

 

"Not in the hospital, though," Kara replied wittily, and then gestured to a chair across her desk. "Sit down, Nia. How's the calculation going?"

 

Nia, a graduate student who'd just finished her comprehensive exam, groaned and placed her briefcase as politely as she could on the professor's desk despite her annoyance. "I can't, for the life of me, do it properly without calculating things by pen and paper. I still don't know how to use the software you suggested to me."

 

Kara laughed softly, knowing completely how it felt like to be required to use a software to solve mathematical problems instead of pens and papers, but, "Well, it does make your work easier and faster. You just need to get used to it, practice more, and soon, you'd be passing your thesis to the Dean and you're all done!"

 

"Uh-huh, yeah, you missed a few steps. I still have to write the conclusions, the results, everything, and then I have the oral defence to worry about," Nia sighed again as she finished taking out her papers and her laptop, ready for yet another session with her adviser. "Whatever. I'm so ready to finish this one, Doctor Danvers."

 

Kara winced. "You know, I often joke about how I'm a doctor outside the hospital, but, really, you don't have to call me _doctor_ , you know? Just call me Professor Kara."

 

Nia shrugged. "Eh. I like calling you _doctor_." She looked up, a little quirk at the corner of her lips. "It suits you."

 

Kara reciprocated the smile, although she couldn't help the way her eyes narrowed at Nia. "Huh," she chuckled. "Well, anyway, let's look at your data..."

 

* * *

 

 

_**December 13, 2010** _

 

Kara had just finished putting up decorations around their house when the door opened and came in two figures into the living room, one of which was very familiar to her. The boy must be Jack; tall, a head full of dark hair, and a look on his face that made one feel as though he could be trusted more than an adorable, little puppy. Despite which, Kara couldn't help but stand a little straighter.

 

Why did Lena bring her boyfriend here?

 

"Lena," she called, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You're home early. I thought you're staying out all night."

 

Lena waved a hand dismissively as the other tugged on her scarf, depositing the piece of fabric on the back of the couch. "It's too cold. There's a blizzard outside. I'm surprised you didn't know, but then again..." The brunette allowed her eyes to wander around the living room, taking in the little bells and socks, the long garlands along the walls, and the adequately sized Christmas tree with a huge star on top near the fireplace. "Seems like you've been busy, Kara."

 

Kara flushed, clearing her throat as she shrugged. "I had nothing to do. Might as well start with the decorations, right?"

 

Lena hummed, then looked over at her company (Only then did Kara remember that someone else was in the room with them.) with a warm smile that Kara rarely saw on her face. "Follow me. It's so much warmer in the library."

 

The boy, looking disheveled and cold, nodded at Lena, though he didn't follow immediately even as the other girl quickly made her way up to the stairs. He turned to Kara instead with a gentle smile after making a quick look around the living room. "I think you did a great job in decorating the house," he said, and Kara inwardly groaned because of how nice he was. "I'm... I'm sorry for meeting you like this, Kara. I am sure that you're a nice person."

 

Kara merely looked at him, stunned.

 

"Anyway," he cleared his throat, pointing at the stairs. "I'm gonna go follow my girlfriend. It's nice meeting you, Kara."

 

As nice as he had been, Kara definitely did not miss the emphasis he put in his word: _girlfriend_.

 

* * *

 

 

After a long day of classes and two sessions with Nia, Kara finally arrived home and plopped down on the couch with a heavy groan. She loved her job. She loved imparting knowledge to other people and she loved her time with Nia, her brilliant student, but it didn't take away the fact that _working_ can still be just as exhausting as climbing up a wall with no rocks to hold on.

 

"Someone looks tired."

 

Kara shot up from the couch and looked around, guarded and ready to attack, but the voice was followed by laughter, one that she knew from the heart at this point, and she blinked languidly as she took in the sight of Lena in her cotton shirt and swearpants, two glasses of wine held in her hands.

 

"Lena!" Kara greeted, more surprised at the fact that Lena was here before bedtime than anything. "You're early."

 

"Mhm, I didn't know I had a curfew." The brunette sat next to the blonde, handing over one glass to her.

 

Kara flushed, accepting the glass. "No, I mean, you don't usually come home at..." she paused, glancing down at her watch. "Eight in the evening."

 

Lena shrugged and took a sip. "Jack had to take care of some things in his office. I figured there'd be no use in staying if he won't be there to keep me company."

 

"Right..." Kara replied, then took a little tip of her wine. "Well, that aside, how did your day go?"

 

Lena sighed as she leaned back against the couch, rolling her eyes while swirling the wine inside her glass. "Morgan, as usual, is still an ass. Nothing will change for as long as he holds a specific place in the board, however; I believe that I'm one step closer to getting that asshole kicked out of my board and into a cell."

 

Kara frowned. "What do you mean?"

 

"I may or may not have found out that someone has been snitching money from the company. I just need to find solid proof, which will not be hard, trust me, and then he's gone for good."

 

Kara remained silent, not really knowing what to say. She couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like to manage a company. It was moments like this when she'd remember to appreciate the mundaneness offered by her occupation compared to Lena's.

 

"What about you?" The brunette raised an eyebrow, turning to the professor slightly. "How was your day?"

 

Kara shrugged and smiled, tracing the rim of her glass. "It was fine. Class, Nia, class, and Nia, then I'm homebound."

 

Lena hummed as she looked at Kara in silence as she drank the last of her wine. The way she looked at Kara, her expression unreadable and her eyes seemingly locked on something below her jaw, somehow managed to make the professor squirm in her seat. It couldn't have been a hickey or anything. Siobhan knew not to leave marks anywhere and Kara had made sure to clean up well before going home.

 

Again, not that Lena would mind, but still.

 

"Sounds relaxed to me," Lena finally spoke after putting her glass on the coffee table in front of them. "I'm jealous."

 

Kara snorted, rolling her eyes. "We both know you love being busy."

 

"Mhm, I guess, I do."

 

They fell into silence - relaxed or not, Kara's not quite sure, but she kept her words to herself. She had never been too comfortable with talking to Lena, knowing that the latter preferred being straight to the point while Kara had the tendency to digress and just ramble her way through a conversation.

 

It must have been a minute or two before Lena pulled herself up from the couch with a soft groan, taking her glass with her. "Well, I'm going to bed now."

 

Kara followed suit, reaching out a hand towards Lena. "Here, give me your glass. I'll wash it for you."

 

Lena nodded and handed her glass over, the rim of which stained with the brunette's red lipstick.

 

"Make sure you clean the stain off very well," Lena said as she walked past Kara, but not after brushing her fingers against the collar of her shirt.

 

Left confused and baffled for a second there, Kara finally realized what her words meant as held her collar and pulled it enough to be table to see the red stain on the otherwise white shirt. She cursed and rubbed her thumb against the stain, as if that would actually remove it, but it was to no avail.

 

Giving up, she sighed and stomped her way to the kitchen, cleaning the glasses as quickly and efficiently as possible, before retreating back into their room. She took a short shower, slipped into her sleepwear, and plopped down on her side of the bed, not caring whether it disturbed Lena or not.

 

Kara thought Lena had been asleep, but was proven wrong when the woman's familiar voice wafted into the air again.

 

"I don't mind, Kara. I don't really care. Bed as many women as you want. Fall in love with someone. I don't care."

 

Kara felt the corners of her eyes sting at the implications.

 

In the end, all she could do was close her eyes and wait until the new day came to visit her once more.

 


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a crazy month. I'm so sorry for the lateness of this update, but I really tried my best to push this out of my brain as much as I can this week. To those who left asks in my blog, thank you so much! I honestly appreciate your interest and I'd definitely love to talk more with you, guys!
> 
> Something in this chapter is inspired by lostariels's idea from her story: Watch The Queen Conquer.
> 
> Once again, no beta reader, so all mistakes are mine! I hope you enjoy this update. I'll see you in the next one!

_**I'm sorry I couldn't come for lunch. Someone came over to talk about it. I had Jess deliver your lunch instead. Enjoy your potstickers, honey.** _

_**P.S Dinner at Lilian's. I'll see you there. 8 pm.** _

 

 

It was a good front - the note. To support its intention, Kara scrunched her nose and feigned disappointment as she placed the note back on her desk and began unpacking her lunch. As stated, it was a dozen of potstickers inside her metal container along with... a serving of minced kale. Kara's nose scrunched once more, unable to hide her distaste for the creation that Lena called food.

 

"I know that face."

 

Kara looked up from her lunch and chuckled softly, shaking her head as she picked up a dumpling and shoved one into her mouth, not bothering to reply. Instead, she lifted a hand and gave her company a thumbs up, showing her love for the potsticker and definitely not the leaves in her container.

 

"Always love potstickers for lunch."

 

Nia breathed out a silent chuckle, pushing some of her own food to the center of her plate. "I'm surprised your wife still allows you to eat them at all, what with how you seem to always find ways to eat them any time of the day."

 

Kara shrugged, already picking another one. "As long as there's kale, she's very fine with it."

 

"And yet," Nia reached across the table, taking the little container with the minced kale inside, scattering it above her salad. "It is always me who end up eating it. How is it that she hasn't found out yet?"

 

Kara laughed heartily at that, one hand shooting up to cover her very full mouth of potsticker. "Well," she said, later on, clearing her throat. "She doesn't have to know, right? She sends me my lunch with kale in it, I come back home without kale in it, and all's good."

 

_Besides, she doesn't really care._

 

The space between Nia's eyebrow crinkled as she shook her head. "If I were your wife, I would be very displeased with your behavior, Doctor Danvers." She took a decent bite of her salad, smiling at the simple bliss brought by healthy food. "You need to eat real food. Healthy food."

 

Kara paused halfway into shoving another dumpling in her mouth, her lips curling into a nostalgic smile instead as she looked at Nia with fondness in her eyes. "You said the same words to me the second time we met some years ago."

 

It's always so easy to reminisce when Kara was involved. Nia remembered the day very clearly when she was a struggling junior in college, rushing to find a table so she could finish her lunch quickly and go back to working on requirements for the subjects she'd decided to take in one semester. She remembered seeing a graduate student shoveling dumplings after dumplings in her mouth while her other hand was holding a thick book, eyes moving back and forth as she obviously tried so hard to multi-task. She was a familiar woman - Kara Danvers, she'd learned the week before - and she couldn't help the smile on her face as she rushed to that table and placed her tray across the other woman. She could have said something else. Maybe something that didn't involve the woman's wife, but Nia knew not to ever step on that line, so she grinned and opted to say, "If I were your wife, I would be very displeased with your behavior, Kara."

 

Up to this day, Nia would still feel her cheeks heat up whenever she'd remember her own words. They weren't really the better choice, were they? Then again, the present mattered most to her. The present where she sat across Kara Danvers, eating lunch with her whenever her wife couldn't bring her lunch.

 

She sighed, smiling fondly at the professor. "I guess, some things just don't change."

 

Kara agreed with an easy smile. "You'll always be the most caring person I've ever met in my entire life, Nia."

 

* * *

 

 

Time went by and Kara soon found herself slipping into her best attire for a dinner with the parents. That night, she decided to wear her most comfortable button-down shirt and dark slacks to keep it formal despite the casualness of her outfit. Her hair was twisted up to a neat bun, glasses replaced with contact lenses, and purse replaced with a black jacket draped on her forearm, wallet and car keys kept inside one of its pockets. She knew she didn't need to bring a lot. Marriage with Lena taught her that her mother-in-law didn't like seeing so many things on the dinner table, or anywhere near it, really. She learned her lesson when she came to dinner one evening with her backpack precariously slung on her shoulder and books held against her chest, having headed straight from school because she was almost late. It was the first time that someone, other than her own parents, had scolded her for being too messy. She apologized multiple times that night and it made her feel even worse when she saw Lena do nothing but hide a smile behind her hand.

 

Shaking the memory out of her head, Kara left the house and drove out of the parking lot. Before heading to her in law's house, Kara just needed to make one stop. Fifteen minutes away from home was another house she'd grown to like (for its aesthetic) and dislike (because of who lived in it) at the same time. The lights were on and the gates were already open, as usual, and after one honk, Kara saw Lena step out of the front door, a huge smile on her face as she waved goodbye to her _friend_ and perfectly played the role of a wife, who missed her wife after a long day of being separated from one another. Lena didn't have to play the part, but there were cameras outside the house.

 

So, of course, she'd have to.

 

Kara stepped out of the car, meeting Lena halfway once she got closer to the passenger's door. "Hello, darling," Lena greeted with a kiss on her cheek, smiling gratefully at her once more as Kara opened the door for her like the chivalrous wife she was. Closing the door, Kara turned back to the house and saw him standing there, looking as calm and as confident as he had always been, and she forced a smile in way of bidding him goodbye, before turning around and jogging back to her side of the car.

 

The ride was quiet for the most part until Kara decided that she'd rather take this opportunity to listen to some good music before entering the battlefield that was Lillian's dining room. She made sure to choose a station that was playing mellow music at seven in the evening, which wasn't a really hard task to do. Kara would deny this if someone asked her, but she knew Lena's favorite radio station when she's not listening to her own playlist.

 

"Any idea what the dinner is about?" Kara asked, sneaking a glance at her wife before gazing back at the road.

 

Lena merely shrugged, the smile on her face now long gone, replaced by the usual stoic look Kara was used to. "I don't know and, quite frankly, I don't care. You know how mother loves to do things just for attention. She probably has a new recipe she wants you to try." Turning to Kara with a bored look on her face, she continued, "You know how much she loves seeing you eat."

 

Kara winced, shaking her head. "That's not true."

 

"It definitely is. She loves feeding you just as much as she loves criticizing your lack of neatness."

 

"I can be neat when I want to be."

 

"Yes," Lena drawled. "Apparently, only when you're on your period."

 

Kara turned to Lena, not sure if she was going to laugh or not. On one hand, it was probably the longest conversation she had with Lena and it seemed to her that Lena had just made a joke; on the other hand... she wasn't like that, was she?

 

"I- uh, I'd like to believe that I am always neat," Kara replied, clearing her throat and fingers tightening around the steering wheel.

 

"You arranged your desk one time after I saw you come in with a new batch of tampons."

 

Kara scoffed. "Okay, we're done with this topic."

 

Lena shrugged and turned to the window, watching each lamppost passing by until the car finally pulled over in front of her mother's house. Kara got out quickly after switching off the engine, opening the door for Lena with a smile even when the other woman narrowed her eyes at Kara. They didn't have to pretend at this point, but Kara simply shrugged, already used to doing it for her wife.

 

They made their way inside with little to no interruption. The dining room was obviously occupied by then, three sets of voice already producing soft sounds as they drew closer and closer. As they passed under the dramatic archway, Kara was the first to greet everyone with her usual sunny disposition, giving her parents brief hugs and a chaste peck on Lillian's cheek. The elder Luthor wasn't very fond of skin contact, but Kara knew she appreciated some casual respect every now and then.

 

"We started without you," Lillian began, glancing down at her expensive wristwatch. "You're five minutes late."

 

Lena rolled her eyes as she lowered herself on a chair pulled by Kara for her, unfolding the table napkin on her lap. "It's just five minutes, mother. Besides, you didn't seem bored when we got here." She looked at her in-laws, flashing her brilliant smile, though dashed with just a hint of a long-time resentment.

 

Kara couldn't really blame her.

 

Lillian hummed. "That's true, and because of that, you missed out some things we talked about earlier. Eliza, however, will be more than willing to repeat it for you."

 

The older Danvers smiled at Lillian, eyes sparkling in obvious excitement as she placed her fork back on her plate.

 

Kara felt her chest sink when her mother began to talk.

 

"We were just talking about how the three of us are not getting any younger, anymore, and, well-" she cleared her throat, glancing briefly at Lena, who suddenly tensed under her gaze. "After Lionel's unfortunate passing, we felt that it would be nice to have grandchildren at this point."

 

Kara paused, dread spreading all over her body as she looked helplessly at Lena.

 

Jeremiah nodded his head, finishing his wine first before talking. "Besides, it's been nine years, hasn't it? The both of you are established and you will need an heir. Now's the perfect time to do it, sweetie."

 

It was obvious that Lena wasn't going to be the person who'd break the heavy silence that followed her father's words, so she cleared her throat, her voice coming out rather shaky, even breaking at some point. "Isn't this... shouldn't this be something discussed between Lena and me? I mean-" she chuckled breathlessly, more out of disbelief than anything else. "This is going to be our family after all, and I'm not sure if we're ready ye-"

 

"Kara, dear," Lillian interrupted, locking her steely gaze upon her. "You can stop talking as if there's more to you and Lena than this fixed arrangement. As your father said, it's been nine years. We expected you to be distant and indifferent to the idea of being _together_ , but I think it is very obvious that there is no getting out of this arrangement." Lillian turned to her daughter, chin tilted up. "No matter how _sneaky_ you may think you are."

 

Lena held her mother's gaze, jaws clenched and lips pursed into a tight line. "This matter is none of your business, mother."

 

"Oh, but it is, Lena." Lillian smiled, and Kara didn't like it one bit. "The bloodline of the Luthor and Danvers cannot and will not stop with the both of you. It will carry on from one generation to another, and it shall never cease to exist. Your ancestors didn't sacrifice their blood, sweat, and tears for what we have now, only to be wasted by your stubbornness about having children."

 

The tension was palpable. Kara swore she could cut it with a freaking bread knife, but decided against moving an inch - or, at least, move to the point where Lillian could reprimand her again. Beside her, she could feel the anger radiating from Lena's skin. Her eyelids were wet, redder than normal, and she reached out to place a hand on Lena's knee for comfort, only to be responded with by a sharp jerking out of her touch.

 

She sighed. "I think that we should really talk about this first. This is _our_ family after all—"

 

Lillian interrupted once more. "We've contacted Dr. Ardeen about the matter-"

 

Kara's eyebrows twitched. Dr. Imra Ardeen, a doctor best known for a procedure she came up with, which helped couples like them to have children without the help of a third party.

 

Also, a woman who had once been a part of Kara's life, before life, itself, took her away from Kara's grasp.

 

"- and she's just waiting for your call to set the appointment. We couldn't care less about who will carry. The goal is to have an heir, perhaps, by the first half of next year-"

 

"The goal."

 

All eyes turned to Lena, except for Kara, who simply lowered her head and sighed.

 

"This child... you will never look at it as if it were truly your grandchild, won't you?" Lena looked at her mother, eyes reflecting the rage burning within her. "It will just be another investment, won't it?"

 

Lillian hummed. "No need to be dramatic, Lena. Of course, I will... look at it as a grandmother should look at her grandchild."

 

It was silent once more, but soon, it was interrupted by the sound of the chair scraping against the floor, catching everybody's attention. Lena didn't say much as she gathered herself and walked out of the dining room, leaving Kara to bid farewell on behalf of her wife before following her outside of the house in hurried steps. If Kara noticed the guilt in her parents' eyes, she definitely didn't show.

 

The ride back to their house was silent. There really wasn't much to say, anyway. Kara couldn't really think of anything to say at all after learning that she was basically being forced to have a child very soon. Everything was a blur from when they left Lillian's mansion until they were both inside the relatively comforting warmth of the house. They both went their own separate ways; Lena's phone already in her hand, most probably calling Jack as she ran up to their room, while Kara decided that she needed to catch some fresh, evening air in the garden.

 

Lowering herself on one of the chairs near the fountain, Kara slouched and sighed heavily, letting the day's weight escape her tensed shoulders, but it didn't really do much. She pressed the pads of her fingers against her forehead, eyes closed as she tried to clear her mind.

 

The situation was bad. Really bad. She couldn't imagine just how bad the pressure must be for Lena; to be slapped with the reality that she never could have a family with the person she wanted to have a family and future with. It never failed to make Kara feel bitter, but who was she to complain? Who was she to blame Lena? This was never Lena's fault, nor was it her own. They were both victims in this sick game their parents brought upon their lives.

 

On the other hand, it would probably be so nice to have a little child running around this garden. Their hair would be as dark as Lena's. Their skin as pale and smooth as Lena's, though, it would probably be more receptive to being tanned a soft brown than just turning a bright shade of red when exposed to the sun. Kara would love to see Lena's indescribable greens, though she wouldn't argue if it was more of her blues on their child's eyes. Her love for physical activities would be a nice touch, too, and Lena's talent in mu-

 

"I'll carry the child."

 

Kara's head whipped to the side. She was almost sure she gave herself a whiplash. Swallowing thickly, she stood from the chair, crossing her arms protectively beneath her chest as she walked closer to where Lena was standing near the entrance of the garden.

 

"Yeah?"

 

Lena nodded. "In one condition."

 

Kara pursed her lips. "What condition?"

 

Lena looked at her quietly and Kara saw a flash of uncertainty in those beautiful eyes. She shifted from one foot to another, and Kara recognized it as one of her tells when she's nervous about something she's about to share.

 

"I'll carry the child..." she trailed off, and then the confidence in her came back, jaws clenching once more. "If we use Jack as a donor."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Nia was just about to fold her laptop after long hours of revising her third chapter when her phone vibrated on top of her desk. Wondering as to who could be calling her this late in the evening, she leaned over and picked up her phone, eyes widening upon seeing Kara Danvers flashing on her screen.

 

She swiped her thumb across the screen and placed the phone shakily against her ear.

 

"Hello?"

 

There was no sound for a second or two. Nia thought it must have been an accident, or Kara probably butt-dialed her or something, but then a faint sound of sniffling caught her attention. She sat a little straighter, her hold tightening around her phone.

 

"Kara?" she called again. "Are you okay?"

 

More sniffling. "H-Hey, uh-" Kara's voice was shaky, even cracking on one syllable before interrupting herself by clearing her throat. "Hey, I'm so sorry for calling you at this time of the night. I shouldn't have, Nia. I'm so sor-"

 

"Hey, hey," Nia cooed. "It's okay, Kara. You can call me anytime, okay? Anytime at all." She sighed heavily as if it would help with loosening the tightness of her chest. "Are you okay? What happened?"

 

She heard Kara take a deep breath and exhale loudly into the phone before her meek, little voice was heard again. "I'm just so- so upset and, um, I need someone. I just really need someone right now."

 

Nia frowned. Kara was upset and... shouldn't she be calling her wife?

 

Where was her wife?

 

Nia figured there must be a reason why Kara didn't call her wife first, so she let it go. Instead, she asked:

 

"What's your address. I'll be there in fifteen, more or less."


	4. iv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back with another update. This isn't really a lot, but the scenario just kept on nagging me, I knew I had to pour it out of my head and translate it into words. So, here's the aftermath! Again, it's not much, but I hope it's still a good read. Your comments gave me such a writing kick too, so thank you, thank you, thank you so much for that! I really appreciate it and I loved reading all of them! 
> 
> To those affected by the hurricane and the typhoon, please be careful and be safe!

_"Excuse me?"_

 

_Lena stared back at her defiantly, her eyes hard and cold even as her lower lip trembled ever so gently before her clenched jaw. "I am not going to repeat what I said."_

 

_Kara, in all nine years of being married to Lena, never expected things to get to this point; to this point where she'd think Lena was cold and cruel. Before this day, she understood where Lena was coming from; understood her for way longer any normal person would have been able to do. She understood why she never left Jack. After all, there were no emotions involved between them. No moments shared between them. Profound ones, at least. Kara didn't have any reason to resent Lena for choosing Jack even after they've signed their marriage contract and started showing the world that they were in a loving marriage. Lena wasn't the only one who was unfaithful in their relationship and for the longest time, it was fine. They coexisted just fine, managed to keep up a delusion for people to believe in, and kept certain secrets from getting spilled by doing their best to step around potential scenarios where they could easily be exposed by people._

 

_For the longest time, it was fine, until it wasn't. It was fine until Kara began to notice the little things about Lena; until she began to crave the little moments between them. When Lena would come home earlier than usual and they'd share a glass of wine in the living room, talking about their day, even when it wasn't something normal for them to do. When Kara would wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or just from an unpleasant dream, and she'd open her eyes to the sight of Lena's peaceful face after inevitable turning in her sleep. She'd eventually close her eyes to the memory of sharp lines of her face and soft curves of her lips, and she'd wish that she was given the chance to get to know Lena more; to know more about her life other than the simple facts such as her birthday, her favorite food, her favorite color and all those trivial things any person could know about Lena. Kara wished she could know how it felt like to hold Lena's hand without the pretense of helping her out of a car or helping her up from a chair or anything that a wife would do for her wife. She wished she knew how it felt like to just hold it, feel it in her hand; to have Lena in her arms because she just wanted to hold her, not because she was pretending to be a doting wife._

 

_She wished she knew things like Jack did._

 

**_Jack._ **

 

_Snapping back to reality, Kara's face contorted into a frown slowly as realization dawned upon her. Her hands trembled by her sides and her head began to shake as she tried to erase the very thought of taking care of a child that wasn't her own. In a different circumstance, she would have, but this..._

 

_"B-But," her frown deepened as she tried to wrap her head around Lena's absurd suggestion. "Im-- Dr. Ardeen-- Your mom said that she's contacted Dr. Ardeen. She found a way for same-sex couples to have their own children. We don't need a do-"_

 

_"Kara, are you even hearing yourself?!" Lena interrupted, her chest rising up and down quite visibly this time as her anger began to spike up once more. "We're not a **couple,** Kara!"_

 

_"To the eyes of the public-"_

 

_"_ _Yes, well, the public really doesn't know a lot of things, do they?" Lena challenged. "So, what difference would it make to opt out of that procedure and just use Jack as a donor?"_

 

_Kara scowled, her head beginning to throb as her eyes stung at the layer of tears flooding her eyes. "Lena, do you even realize how ridiculous you sound right now?"_

 

_"What's so ridiculous about wanting to have the child of the man I love?!"_

 

_Kara felt a stabbing pain in her chest; felt an invisible fist punch the air out of her lungs. She exploded._

 

_"What's ridiculous is you assuming that I would be fine about you having a child with Jack! We're married, Lena! We're married, even if you don't so much as see me as a friend- we're married! I have your name in mine! You have my name in yours! I've been so kind to you in the past nine years; tolerated you keeping your relationship with Jack because I understand, Lena. I really do. I understand that this marriage was force fed to us when we were teenagers and I understand that you love Jack so much that you could just not let him go. But, Lena," she paused, sniffling as she stepped closer to Lena, hands crumpled against her chest as she sobbed when Lena stepped back. "I deserve a little bit of kindness, at least. I deserve to have something that is **mine** in this marriage. Yes, it is unfair that they are trying to control our lives once more with this- this talk of children and heirs and just-" She choked back another sob, wiping the palm of her hand roughly across her cheek. "Lena, I would have understood if you asked for me to wait a few more months until you're ready to talk about this. I would have said yes if you told me to convince our parents to give us more time, but this-"_

 

_She shook her head and breathed out shakily, willing her thundering heartbeat to calm for just a few seconds, so she could continue talking without breaking down._

 

_"If you think for one second that I would allow a child, who is not **my** blood, or at least someone I chose to be **my blood** , to be a Danvers' heir..." Kara tilted her chin up, defiantly gazing back at Lena, who had fallen silent with a thick layer of tears in her eyes. "Then, you're incredibly wrong."_

 

_They were both in apparent shock once Kara was done with her tirade. Kara was shocked mostly at the fact that she had just blurted out her inner thoughts to the very face of Lena, and the latter... well, she seemed more shock at the fact that Kara had just raised her voice at her - something she never quite did for the past nine years of secrets and unfaithfulness and unfairness in their marriage._

 

_It was obvious that no one was going to break the silence, so Kara turned away as Lena charged back into the house, which was later on accentuated by the sound of the banging door and the screeching tires against the pavement._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Nia arrived at the address Kara had texted her some minutes ago. She had never once tried breaking the laws of her country, but for once in her life, she found herself speeding from her apartment to Kara's house, because she knew her friend needed someone by her side as soon as possible. When she arrived at the front door, she contemplated ringing the bell, but the house seemed so silent; so eerie, as if no one was really inside. The right thing to do was to knock, at least, but when she heard the softest sound of sobs from the other side of the door, rationality left her and she barged in without the fear of being accused of trespassing.

 

Her heart broke at the sight that welcomed her. A head full of hair was visible from the arch of the couch a few feet away from her, and Nia didn't need another moment to know that it was Kara.

 

"Kara, hey." She ran to her, stepping around the couch with her arms already extended towards her friend, ready to gather her in her arms to comfort her and hush away the sadness within her body. "I'm here. It's okay. I'm here, Kara."

 

The professor simply allowed Nia to hold her against her chest, and it must have been the overwhelming feeling of care in Nia's touch that had Kara breaking down once more, crying harder into Nia's chest as her shaking hands clutched onto her shirt. Nia's heart broke once more and her chest constricted at the sounds of Kara's cries, sounding so pitiful and vulnerable and just, so painful that she couldn't help but tear up herself as she rocked the professor in her arms. She wasn't sure what else to say other than the professor's name, repeatedly calling her and shushing her as an attempt to remind her that she was there; that she wasn't leaving any time soon. Even if she had to stay there for hours on end, Nia knew she wouldn't leave Kara behind.

 

It was a few minutes later when Kara finally calmed down enough for her to be able to sit on her own and not sway to the side because her body was just so heavy with how upset she was. Nia took the liberty to fetch her a glass of water from the kitchen, and she couldn't help but notice the absence of Kara's wife once more.

 

Where was she?

 

"Here," Nia said as she sat down next to Kara, placing her free hand comfortingly on Kara's back as she offered the glass of water. "Drink some of this."

 

Kara smiled gratefully at her as she took the glass, drinking it all at an alarmingly quick pace. She must have been crying for quite some time to have been _that_ thirsty. "Thank you."

 

Nia shook her head, lips curling up to a smile, as a means of saying that Kara didn't have to thank her for being a friend. "You look like Rudolph." She reached up and gave Kara's nose a soft boop, grinning a little wider when she managed to make the professor chuckle brokenly at that.

 

"I must look ridiculous."

 

"Quite the opposite, actually," Nia snorted. "You look cute, or, as cute as someone with a snot running down her nose."

 

The professor reached up to wipe her nose, then frowned when she felt nothing. Kara looked up to see Nia smiling a face-splitting one again.

 

"Fooled you."

 

Kara rolled her eyes, but she was grateful for Nia's presence. "That was bad."

 

"Fooled you, anyway."

 

A comfortable silence engulfed them as Nia kept her gaze on Kara, curious as to what could have caused the professor such grief to have been crying _that_ hard; curious as to why she was the one sitting beside her and not her wife; and she wanted to ask. Really, she wanted to ask so badly, but she figured it was best to wait for Kara to say something first instead of asking her about it.

 

It must be a minute or two, maybe more, of Nia just rubbing Kara's back as the latter gathered herself together before the silence was finally broken. "I'm sorry for bothering you this late at night. I just-"

 

"Kara," Nia interrupted. "I told you earlier and I'm telling you once again, you don't have to apologize, okay? I am here because I want to be here and you are not bothering me. You'll never bother me."

 

Kara pursed her lips, the nodded shallowly as she fiddled with her fingers. "It's just... it's late and I know that you're busy with your thesis and--"

 

"Being busy with thesis is normal to me. Honestly, you're not inconveniencing me at all by dragging me away from those ridiculous papers."

 

They shared a laugh, sympathizing with each other about the struggles of writing a thesis. It was nice. It was light, which seemed to be the case every time with Nia.

 

Kara wished she was always at ease, regardless of whoever was with her.

 

"You must be wondering why I'm alone." Kara began, turning to Nia as she leaned back and finally let her body rest.

 

Nia nodded, a soft tint of pink shading her cheeks. "I've been wondering for quite some time, yes. I- I, um, your wife-"

 

Kara hummed, urging her to continue.

 

"Did you... have a fight with your wife? Is that why you're alone and you... called me?"

 

Kara simply gazed at her, wondering how Nia came to think of that question. Then again, she was married to Lena, and any normal person would think that a married woman, calling a friend when upset and not her partner, was having a fight with said partner. So, Kara nodded, lips pursed.

 

"Just..." she hesitated, not really feeling like sharing  _much_ just yet. "...about something so stupid. She left, actually."

 

Nia looked alarmed, rising slightly from the couch.

 

"Not like that! I didn't mean it like that." Kara sighed, rubbing her temples with her fingers. "I mean, she left. She was upset, as well, and she left and I don't know where she is."

 

"Well, shouldn't you be calling her? I noticed a while ago that there was just one car outside and--- if you said she's upset, she's driving and that's not good, Kara."

 

It only seemed to dawn upon Kara just how serious the situation turned out to be. Lena left, driving like a mad woman, and now, Kara didn't know where she was. Well, Lena was probably with Jack, but what if she'd been so upset that something happened to her on her way to Jack?

 

_No._

 

It wasn't far away. She was probably with Jack already, and Kara shouldn't care. Not after what Lena said and did to her.

 

"She'll be fine," Kara said, not really finding herself caring about Lena's welfare for once. It was unnerving, even when it was a little satisfying as well. She was used to always wondering where Lena was, what Lena was doing, how she was boding even when Kara knew that she was well in the company of Jack and her friends. "She's probably with her friend."

 

Nia seemed to accept her answer. It made sense, anyway. Two wives seeking their friends' comfort when fighting.

 

"You should go home, Nia," Kara said later on, soft and careful so as to avoid possibly offending Nia. Fortunately for her, Nia only seemed to understand as she nodded and stood up from the couch, brushing her hands down her shirt. Nia chuckled as she spotted a wet spot on the middle of her shirt, which then caused Kara to flush in embarrassment.

 

"I'm sorry about that-"

 

"It's fine, really."

 

Kara nodded sheepishly. "Thank you for being here for me," she said, taking Nia's hand and squeezing it in her own. "I'll walk you out."

 

Nia nodded gratefully as she followed Kara's lead, ready to bid her farewell at the front door when Kara stopped abruptly upon opening the door, nearly causing Nia to crash into her back. She staggered back from Kara's figure and when she looked up to ask what it was all about, she gasped softly at the sight before her, feeling like the biggest intruder at that very moment.

 

Lena Luthor, looking just as worse as Kara, kissing her wife deeply right there at the doorstep.

 

_"I'm sorry."_

 

Nia heard her whisper, and she knew she had stayed much longer than she should have. Stepping around the reuniting couple, she left as quietly as she could.

 

She wasn't sure why it hurt, seeing Kara kissing Lena, even when she was just as happy to know that Kara was going to be fine, now that her wife was back.


	5. v

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been quite some time! Guess who's back. :D  
> I know. You guys deserve more than what I have right now for you, but I sure hope it is enough to satisfy you all.  
> Hopefully, I could give you longer chapters when my WiFi goes back to normal.
> 
> Oh, and shoutout to kashymagraisbae @ tumblr for dropping in a message (plus some edits she made for me!). You certainly helped in waking up the muse. It's not a lot, but I hope it answered all your questions!
> 
> As usual, no beta reader, so all mistakes are mine!

 

_Being pretty to the point of rendering people speechless **and** useless should be illegal. _

 

_This was what’s running in Kara’s mind for quite some time now since she found a spot far away from the sunny area of the library. Black hair framing an adorable --- no, wrong --- **gorgeous** face, with green eyes appearing darker than its usual shade because of its owner facing away from the light, and a pair of kissable lips. It really should be illegal to **that** pretty, yet there’s Kara, staring at the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen since her first day at the university. _

 

_It’s not that Kara had made it a habit to visit the library at exactly four in the afternoon, so she could chance a moment or two of staring at the gorgeous girl. Of course, not. That’d be creepy and, well, she’s a stranger._

 

_“You’re staring.”_

 

_Then, came in Lena Luthor-Danvers, sitting by her side with her eyes never leaving her book about some Science stuff Kara obviously didn’t bother knowing about. Come to think of it, now that the gorgeous girl was looking up after being approached by a classmate, her eyes looked a bit more light blue than green. Lena’s are green, almost silver in some occasions. Definitely blue. Not green._

 

_“I’m not,” Kara huffed, glaring at Lena before bashfully looking back down on her book. Right, Jean Piaget was this and that... Kara sighed. No use trying to read more about the theory of cognitive development if she’d done more than a good job at distracting herself._

 

_“Do remember that we’re in public, Kara.” Kara heard Lena speak once more and she looked up, ready to bite back but swallowed her words upon seeing the hint of a smirk at the corner of her pink lips._

 

_Oh. She’s just joking._

 

_“You can’t be caught looking at another girl when your wife is sitting right beside you, can you?” Lena continued, finally looking up to Kara with lips now wearing a knowing grin._

 

_Kara clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she shook her head, relaxing in her chair as she closed her book. “Of course, not.” Then, she leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss on Lena’s waiting lips, only to flinch away from her when someone cleared their throat behind them._

 

_“This is a library, Miss Danvers,” Mrs. Indra, the librarian, said very sternly. “Please manage yourself.”_

 

_The pair waited until the librarian was not within earshot, before sharing quiet giggles with each other._

 

_“Her name is Imra, by the way,” Lena said once their giggles have subsided. “A junior, pre-med.”_

 

_Kara should be wondering how Lena knew this information about the gorgeous girl, whose name was Imra, but all she did was look back where Imra was sitting._

 

_She wasn’t there anymore._

 

* * *

 

But, it wasn’t their first kiss after the wedding.

 

Kara could remember it so well like it was only yesterday. Looking at Lena now after she moved from the door to the couch, Kara couldn’t quite pinpoint what Lena was thinking --- _feeling_ \--- when she kissed her. Was it because of Nia? Did she see the car outside? Had she been aware that there would be an audience? Was it why she gave her a kiss that took the breath from Kara’s lungs and the rhythm from her beating heart?

 

“Lena...” she began, yet was unable to find the words she needed, so she opted to just turn and lean against the door, eyes never leaving her wife.

 

The air was heavy around them, yet at the same time, she could feel the lightness in her chest, the weight of Lena’s lips against her own still lingering. It was such an inappropriate time to think about kissing her wife again; not when she was clearly very troubled and when they obviously didn’t have reasons for such an act anymore. But, could she really be blamed? For so many months, she’d been dwelling in her confusion regarding her feelings for Lena. So many questions she already had answers for, yet still remained a mystery whenever more memories would come up from the back of her head. The little moments she’d have with Lena in the privacy of their home --- ones where they were just _them_ and not a married couple acting for the eyes of the public --- seemed to had become a drug for her.

 

God knew how happy she already was to just sit beside Lena and talk about their day, about Morgan Edge, who was about to get his ass kicked out; or, perhaps, just the things she did with Jack. They hurt to hear, but it was with _Lena_. Watching Lena sleep for a few seconds was another, tracing soft curves and sharp edges of her face ---

 

They were all she had for herself. All she had was Lena on the couch, by her side, and Lena next to her in their bed, asleep.

 

So, could she be blamed for thinking too much about the kiss? For feeling like all of Lena’s faults had been forgiven and all she wanted to do was move on?

 

She shook her head. It wasn’t supposed to be that easy.

 

_Pathetic._

 

“I’m sorry.” Lena finally spoke, turning to look at Kara with red-rimmed eyes. “For what I said earlier. For asking you to have Jack as the—the donor.” Pausing, she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed heavily before continuing, “It was wrong and so stupid and just – I’m so sorry, Kara.”

 

Kara felt herself deflate against the door, tongue briefly peeking out to swipe across her drying lips. “It’s oka—”

 

“It’s not,” Lena interrupted. “Stop being so nice, Kara. Stop being so lenient. Stop letting me get away with my bullshit. Just--- please,” she sighed. “Just stop. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have asked that of you. You were right. The—O-Our child will be an heir of the Luthor-Danvers. No other blood should run in their veins. Just... ours.”

 

All Kara could do was nod. Of course, she was happy that the issue had been solved. Sort of. It was too quick—almost too good to be true, really—that Kara couldn’t help but think that the other shoe had yet to drop. But, for now, she was more than happy to forget about Jack.

 

Pushing herself off of the door, she walked towards Lena and stopped a good two meters away from her, blue eyes searching greener ones as her arms twitched on her sides. “I—I wasn’t happy with what you said. When you—um, mentioned Jack as the donor. I really wasn’t, Lena.” She exhaled heavily, feeling her chest tighten at the sight of Lena’s teary eyes. “But, I should have been more understanding.”

 

“Kara, I told you—”

 

“Let me say it, Lena,” she interrupted gently, hands moving up to hold pale forearms. “It was basically a missile dropped on our heads. Even I have no idea where it came from. We’ve been married for nine years. Why now, right?”

 

Lena nodded, dropping her gaze to the floor. They both knew there was one possible answer to that. Lillian Luthor had made it very clear during dinner, but they mutually knew it was a conflict for another day.

 

“You must have been shocked,” Kara continued, hands gradually sliding up to Lena’s arms. “You _were_ shocked, and so was I. We weren’t thinking clearly when we got home, then we fought and said some things we didn’t mean...”

 

Lena looked up. “You meant yours.”

 

Kara gaped at her, cheeks burning a soft red as she ducked her head. “Well, yes, but my point is, everything happened in the heat of the moment. We were too harsh on each other and... we should have been more understanding. We should have talked more. We shouldn’t have—shouted at each other.”

 

What happened next stole the air inside Kara’s lungs. Again.

 

She felt warmth against her chest and arms around her shoulders, hot breath tickling the side of her neck.

 

Lena was hugging her. Very tightly.

 

“You’ve been nothing but understanding, Kara,” Lena mumbled into her neck, allowing her weight to lean against the blonde as the latter slowly reciprocated the hug around Lena’s waist. “... And you’re right,” Lena admitted, albeit begrudgingly. “We _do_ need to talk more. Just... give me some time to think about everything, okay? And then... then, I’ll—we’ll talk.”

 

Kara nodded in agreement, lips quirking up to a small, exhausted smile. “Take all the time you need.”

 

 They stayed like that for another quiet minute, the gesture both comforting and odd at the same time. They hadn’t hugged for that long without an audience before.

 

“So,” Lena said, breaking the silence between them. “That was Nia? Your student?”

 

“Advisee,” Kara corrected. “I’m helping her with her thesis.”

 

“But you’ve known her for quite some time now, yes?”

 

Kara hummed in affirmation, pulling away just enough to look at Lena. “I’m sure you’ve seen her before at the university. We work on her paper in my office on some days.”

 

“Must have missed her.”

 

Kara tilted her head and watched as Lena fiddled with the collar of her shirt as if tracing something that had once been there but not anymore. Kara flushed at the memory from some nights ago. “Is there something on my shirt again?” she asked, voice laced with mirth.

 

Lena’s fingers stopped and her gaze lifted up to meet Kara’s, which was a little disconcerting, if not mesmerizing. “No,” she replied, smiling as she pulled away from their embrace. Kara already missed her warmth. “It looks as clean as a newly bought shirt, Kara. You cleaned it well.”

 

Kara blushed even more, clearing her throat as she ducked her head out of Lena’s sight. “I’m sure it’s not the same shirt.”

 

Lena just smiled, lingering by the first step, and said, “I’m using the bathroom first, then sleep.” before proceeding to climb up the stairs.

 

“Right,” Kara nodded, fiddling with the cuff of her shirt, and then pushing her glasses up her nose. “I’ll be right there.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Later, when both of them were lying on their respective sides of the bed; when Kara had watched Lena sleep long enough until she, herself, was snoring quietly in her sleep, Lena’s eyes fluttered open and blinked a few times as they adjusted to the meagre light provided by the moon outside the window. She stared at the peaceful look on Kara’s face as she slept, sighing softly when reminded of how she’d been the cause for this gentle face to look so sad --- so anguished.

 

She’d been cruel and all Kara did was be honest to her. She’d always been honest with her. While it certainly was a painful slap across the face, Lena was glad to know what was going on inside Kara’s head.

 

 _Finally_.

 

They had never been role models for good communication and Lena was ashamed to admit that she certainly did not help in doing _something_ about their lack of communication. Sure, they did talk, but they had been about mundane things—things she honestly couldn’t bother to remember the day after.

 

And then, there was Kara, most probably – definitely – putting to mind every single thing she would tell her, in case it would be useful later. It’s almost as if every little thing she told her was pertinent information.

 

Honestly, she did not deserve Kara.

 

Turning away from her sleeping wife, she sat up slowly so as to not disturb her, then grabbed her robe from the nightstand, wrapping it around herself. She walked over to the windows, looking over the garden where she’d blurted stupid things out of certain emotions mixing and clashing against each other.

 

Lena, in all years of being a CEO of her family’s company, knew that she was capable of saying things that could cut into anyone’s protective layers. She knew the right words to hit the best target, make the opponent weak, and finally land the final blow to defeat them completely. She knew how to do that. She did not hesitate to do that.

 

But, she knew to herself that she would _never_ do that to Kara.

 

To Kara, of all people, yet she did, didn’t she?

 

When did she stop caring? When did she become blinded by her anger for... something she couldn’t quite put a finger on? Why make Kara suffer? Why say things she knew would let the blonde down?

 

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes, chest tight and heart throbbing painfully. She’d gotten lost at one point, strayed away from the goodness that was Kara. Indeed, they were not a couple, but Lena wasn’t _cruel_ enough so as to treat Kara like a complete trash beneath her feet. She hadn’t been like that, had she?

 

She retreated from the window and went back to their bed, lying on her side so she’s facing Kara. Tomorrow was a new day. Tomorrow could be a new leaf. Tomorrow... she could start making it up for Kara. She just needed to _go back_.

 

Funny how a moment by the park had reminded her of how good they could be as friends.

* * *

 

 

 

**October 2010**

 

_“When were you informed of out marriage?”_

 

_Lena looked at the blonde girl beside her as she swung back and forth, ice cream melting down her fingers. It was a cold night. Why was it melting down her hand so quickly?_

 

_“The night before the dinner,” she said with a wince, handing over some tissues to Kara, the latter blushing furiously as she accepted them and started cleaning herself up. “Why?”_

 

_“Just curious, really. I came out to my parents on my eighteenth birthday, right after informing them that I got into the program that I wanted and, um, that I could finish four years worth of sufferings within two if I wanted to do – which, obviously, I did, “ she paused, taking the time to lick some of her chocolate ice cream. “They were happy for me. I thought it was too good to be true. Like, so weird, and then, yeah, a few hours later, I was told that I’m getting married to a girl.”_

 

_Lena snorted. “Your parents are **way too** supporting, then.”_

 

_“It still sucks,” she groaned. “It must suck for you, too. I heard you wanted to go to Metropolis for college...”_

 

_Lena shrugged. “It is what it is. NCU is just as good as the school I initially applied to.”_

 

_“Only downside is Jack’s in Metropolis and you’re stuck here.”_

 

_Lena pursed her lips, looking back up at Kara, before shrugging her shoulders. “I guess.”_

 

_Kara pulled her lips to the side, sympathizing with the brunette, though they weren’t exactly in the same position with regards to having a beloved far away from home._

 

_“Well, I’m glad to hear that you’re loving NCU. It’s a great school.”_

 

_“Could have done without the staring after our wedding,” she huffed. “It was annoying enough to receive looks as a Luthor, going to college at seventeen.”_

 

_“I bet that was stressful,” Kara snorted. “At least, I was already eighteen when we entered NCU.”_

 

_“Lucky bitch.”_

 

_Kara gasped. “Lena, language!”_

 

_“Bite me,” Lena deadpanned._

 

_“Uh—” Kara blushed, clearing her throat. “No. I don’t want to bite you.”_

 

_Lena burst out in laughter. “Kara, I was just kidding.”_

 

_Kara stopped swinging and sat sideways on the swing. “I’m ignoring you. Besides, I’d rather bite someone I like. Or kiss. Kiss is more like it. I’ve always wanted to kiss a girl on a school’s rooftop while the sun is setting.”_

 

_Kara heard some shuffling behind her, and for a brief moment, she wondered if Lena was preparing to leave, ready to turn back and head back to the house with her. However, she found herself leaning back instead, looking up at Lena as she stood before her, lips curled up to a mischievous smile as she leaned down and stopped just a few inches away from Kara._

 

_“Too bad,” one hand lifted up to gently hold Kara’s chin between two fingers. “The only girl you’re kissing at school right now is me.”_

 

_Kara felt Lena’s hand cover her own around the swing’s chain, and then she felt a pair of soft lips against her own. She felt Lena’s lips move and, suddenly, all thoughts of ever wanting to kiss **somebody** else disappeared from her thoughts._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for NSFW-ish scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Wow, it's been a long time. I know, I know, but I swear to you all that I haven't abandoned this story at all. Far from it! The only excuse I have for taking long in updating is: I got promoted at work!!!! So, heavier load and bigger responsibilities. :')
> 
> Anyways, this chapter is unbeta'd. I tried proofreading until... the third line break, i think? then i just gave up and yeeted myself to my bed. :)))) 
> 
> Regardless, I hope you enjoy the chapter! <3

 

_Change usually comes in more ways than one._

 

_Sometimes, they come in how someone talks to you. You notice that their voice sounds lighter, softer, and maybe even sweeter – like a mother as she coos at her wounded child or when she’s lulling them to sleep. Though not as similar when directed to you. For you, it sounds like their voice is dripping with affection, so full and so dense that it’s almost palpable in the way it touches you and caresses you and comforts you during your most stressful days._

 

_They come in how someone greets you in the morning, or at random times of the day, really. When you enter a room and you notice how their eyes seem to light up; how their lips threat to split their face into two because of how wide they’re smiling. Sometimes, they’d offer you a candy or two; or maybe a drink from their favorite bottle of wine._

 

_They can also come in the frequentness of their presence around you. You notice that they’re as present as they used to be absent in your life, and it happens in little things. They bring you your lunch and, instead of leaving after dropping off the bag, they stay with you **and**  eat with you, ask you about your day and tell you about theirs in return._

 

_The last thing that comes to mind – though surely not the last in the universal list – is how they say goodbye to you. They seem to linger a little longer, as if cherishing the last few minutes they have with you until they can see you again when life allows; the way they seem to hold onto you – quite literally – and you don’t know if you have the power in you to initiate the act of letting go because you know that you both have responsibilities waiting for you in the outside world, but their touch somehow matters more than anything else._

 

_These are changes that make you grateful. And, yes, you are grateful, and yet… you feel different. You feel like you’re living in a world so far away from your own reality, and you can see it, **feel it,**  and  **know**  that this— these things couldn’t be possibly happening to you._

 

_And yet, they are. They are happening to you and you know that they are happening to you because you interact with these events. You are in them, and you remember holding her hand and returning her smiles and her kisses…_

 

_Her kisses._

 

_They feel so real, like she actually means them. Her lips are soft and full, and they linger longer than they used to. You get to cherish her kisses more because she doesn’t step back after the first touch. She leans her head to one side so she could better fit your lips and…_

 

_It’s beautiful, yet unnerving at the same time._

 

_Because you couldn’t believe that these things are happening; because you’re sure that they will never happen ‘til you meet someone else, marry them, and be with them forever._

 

_Because you think that she’s doing this for the sake of keeping this marriage afloat – to keep you happy and satisfied; to make sure that you stray from thoughts of possibly wrecking your **perfect**  marriage._

 

_Because… these thoughts exist inside your head, so you find it hard to believe them; to accept these changes, no matter how good they are. As a result, it makes you want to pull away; find ways to be spared from the inevitable heartbreak._

 

“Kara?”

 

Kara’s pen skidded to a stop just as it was preparing to write another paragraph on her worn out journal. Flustered, she clicked the pen closed and shoved it back into the journal’s insert, clearing her throat as she cleared her desk of any evidence of her being sentimental.

 

“Lena, hey!” Kara pushed back from her desk and walked around it to greet her wife, catching her elbow as she leaned in to press a kiss on her cheek. The coldness she felt against her lips made her frown as she pulled back. “Why are you cold?”

 

“Oh,” Lena pulled away with a sheepish smile after returning Kara’s kiss on her other cheek. “I made a dash from my car to here. I couldn’t be bothered finding a spot at the indoor parking lot, so…” She shrugged, and Kara hated how adorable she looked doing that. “Here I am.”

 

“Here you are,” Kara repeated with a soft chuckle. “What brings you to my office at this time?” She glanced at her wristwatch briefly. “It’s not yet lunch.”

 

Lena raised a brow. “Am I unwelcome?”

 

“O-Of course, you are!” Kara huffed. “I’m just surprised, is all.”

 

Lena hummed as a smile curled at the corner of her lips. “I’m just kidding. I dropped by to inform you that I will be staying much longer than usual later during lunch. My eleven o’clock canceled due to an emergency, so I have all the time in the world to, uhm,” she trailed off, clearing her throat as her pale cheeks wore a rosy, pink glow. “Perhaps, visit that new restaurant four blocks away and try their menu with you? With your bottomless stomach and all.”

 

Kara thought she might just pass out right there and then. It shouldn’t be new to her by now. It wasn’t the first time that Lena was staying over for lunch, but the previous times she did were for the sake of appearances, an act to convince everyone that Lena loved her wife enough to spare her an extra hour during lunch instead of going back to her work after dropping off her food.

 

They’d sit in front of her desk and share a comfortable silence while eating their food. Lena would update her about the changes in her company after successfully kicking Morgan Edge to the curb and ridding her company of his stench for good. Kara, in turn, would tell her about how some of her new post-graduate students enrolled just because they were pressured by their family to get into the program, and Kara would express her concern for their progress and experience in general because a lack of willingness to be in the post-graduate program might just by the cause for their struggle and eventual discouragement from pursuing further studies.

 

And, back then, Kara welcomed it. Kara liked it because she had the assurance that Lena was genuinely there for a reason they both believed in. Kara knew that Lena was there because she  _needed_  to be seen by people to make sure that their marriage was not compromised.

 

Now, Kara wasn’t sure if Lena was there because she  _wanted_  to be, or because she pitied Kara’s outburst  _that_  night.

 

She should be sure, though. Lena looked  _genuine_  enough; even an anti-Luthor would say so.

 

 _God,_  why was she so ungrateful?

 

Here was Lena,  _actually_  trying to fix the friendship they once had in their marriage. Granted, it was short-lived, and maybe not quite as  _friendly_  as she once dreamed of it to be, but they were good with each other;  _to_  each other. They joked and teased and supported each other. Hell, Kara even supported Lena’s relationship with Jack.

 

Reluctantly, yes, but still.

 

… And,  _still_ supported it, of course.

 

Kara shook her head. It wasn’t the right time to think about Lena and Jack, Lena  _with the one she truly loved._  Jack: the reason why she could never have a chance with Lena. Jack, whom Lena loved too much to let go; loved too much to go to extreme lengths, just so she could continue having a relationship with him.

 

“Kara? Honey, you’re spacing out. Are you all right?”

 

Kara snorted, flushing. “Sorry, sorry. I just remember that today’s the deadline for my students’ case study and… yeah, I might have a few things to read later at home.” Straightening up, she cleared her throat and turned to one of her chairs, realizing that she hadn’t offered Lena to sit yet. “Gosh, Lena, I’m sorry!”

 

Lena laughed softly and reached out to stop Kara, fingers tightening around… surprisingly strong forearm. There was a brief moment where Lena was just looking at her with a raised brow, and then she let go with a subtle cough. “Right, um, I’m not staying much longer. It’s still early and I still have to check back with Jess about the events L-Corp is hosting in the near future.”

 

“So… you being here is…”

 

“Is just me informing you that I’m coming over for lunch,” Lena chuckled shyly. “I know, I could have just called, but I was—“ She gestured vaguely with her hand, eliciting a stifled chuckle from Kara. “We’re passing by the university, anyway. Figured I’d tell you myself and make sure that you’ll be free later?”

 

“Definitely free,” Kara nodded.  _No, she wasn’t._ “What time are you picking me up?”

 

“Oh, no, we’re staying here.”

 

Kara blinked. “Staying… here?”

 

Lena nodded, a smile in her voice. “Yes. Takeout, Kara. It’s quite common even in restaurants, you know?”

 

“Right,” Kara laughed quietly and reached up to push her glasses up her nose. “Of course. Well, I’m looking forward to lunch with you, Lena.”

 

Evidently pleased, Lena leaned in and pressed a kiss on Kara’s cheek. “Good. I’ll see later, Kara.”

 

Kara had an  _almost_  dopey smile on her face even as Lena closed the door behind her.

 

* * *

 

 

“So? Is the ladyship all satisfied with your visit?”

 

Lena rolled her eyes as she settled in her seat, ignoring the man seated at the opposite end of the car. She waited for the door to close before shredding her coat off her shoulders, exhaling heavily while reaching out for the glass of champagne waiting for her.

 

“Not now, Jack.”

 

“I’m just afraid, Lena,” Jack continued, his voice no more than a murmur. “You’ve changed.”

 

Lena kept her eyes on the road beside her. “For the better, I would say.”

 

“That is what you think, but we both know that it isn’t. It’s a little too late for change, Lena, don’t you think?”

 

“That is not for you to decide, Jack. Honestly, please stop meddling with my marriage.”

 

Jack was quiet for a moment, and then Lena heard him scoff. “Your marriage is nothing but a fluke, and you know it, Lena.”

 

Lena bristled and slammed the button in front of her, activating the partition between the driver and them. “Don’t do this now. I’m tired, Jack. I don’t need additional  _weight_  from you.”

 

Jack looked down, a guilty look on his face, and sighed softly. He reached for one of Lena’s hands, taking advantage of his tall stature and long limbs. His hand was warm as it covered her own, and Lena felt her agitation drain out of her body through her toes. It was Jack. He wasn’t the right person to be mad at; to pour her frustrations unto. Jack was comfort, stability, and constancy. He was always there for her, no matter the situation. When she needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there, ready to offer. When she needed a pair of arms to hold her and keep her grounded, he was there.

 

He always was.

 

She moved her hand and slipped her fingers through the gaps of his longer ones, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

 

“I’m sorry, love,” he said. “I didn’t mean to anger you.”

 

“I’m sorry, too,” she replied, casting him a small, reassuring smile. “It’s just… the company and my parents and Kara…” She sighed, swiping her tongue across her lips.

 

Kara. The baby. Their soon-to-be child. Their heir.

 

Jack.

 

“You need to tell her,” Jack started quietly. “You know that, right?”

 

She clenched her jaw as she looked away from him. “I know.”

 

“Good,” he smiled. “I really don’t want anything to go wrong with us, Lena. I don't want secrets between us and I don’t want trouble, okay?”

 

Something in the way Jack said it made Lena’s skin crawl. She looked at him, assessed his expression, and swallowed as she took note of the grim smile on his face; of the way his fingers seemed to tighten around hers as if convincing her of… something. What it was, she wasn’t quite sure.

 

She pressed her lips together and nodded gingerly, forcing a smile upon her lips.

 

“Of course.”

 

* * *

 

 

“So…” The voice drawled out somewhere in front of her, and Kara resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “People are whispering in the hallways.”

 

“They always are,” Kara scoffed.

 

“Said that one Lena Luthor-Danvers came to visit their beloved Professor Kara.” Siobhan stalked closer, letting her fingers trace the outline of her laptop after sitting on the edge of the blonde’s desk. “How sweet of your wife to come visit you before lunch.”

 

“She is my wife,” Kara replied drily, barely giving Siobhan a glance. “She’s free to come here whenever she wants.”

 

“I didn’t say that she wasn’t,” Siobhan chuckled. “I’m just saying: giving her unlimited access to your office might give her front seat view to some of our… shenanigans.”

 

Kara sighed. “A lock exists for that reason.”

 

“And if she comes and finds the door locked, only to see another woman in her wife’s office?”

 

“Lena will think that we’re having a conversation that is strictly professional and private.”

 

Siobhan snorted. “Sure, Kara.” As if done with her games, Siobhan placed a hand on the back of Kara’s swivel chair and pushed it away from the desk. She straddled Kara’s lap and caged the woman’s neck with her arms, smiling victoriously as she noticed Kara’s eyes glistening over when she moved her hair to one shoulder, effectively exposing the other.

 

It was scandalous, the way Siobhan was dressed, and Kara didn’t know how she missed it when the former first came into her office. An off-shoulder dress, exposing just enough of her healthy cleavage, and her waist – a generous curve that was tempting Kara to wrap her fingers around them –there for her to hold and squeeze. Siobhan had always liked it when Kara did so.

 

The blonde woman licked her lips as she leaned back into her chair, letting her eyes trace the dips and lines of Siobhan’s body until they rest easy on the woman’s smug-looking face. Kara nearly snarled at her. Siobhan had no business to look so smug, and yet there she was, and Kara was allowing her.

 

She should be putting a stop on her relationship (or, lack thereof) with Siobhan. Lena was trying. Lena was fixing them, willing to do more for both of them.

 

Then again, Jack was still in the picture.

 

Jack: enough reason for Kara to finally grab Siobhan and pull her tightly against her body. Kara reveled in the moan that she pulled out of Siobhan’s mouth, even though she was the wrong shade of dark hair, the wrong color of eyes, the wrong scent wafting into her nostrils and the absence of soft belly against her lean one.

 

Even though everything was wrong, Kara still managed to lose herself in Siobhan’s charm.

 

Siobhan surged forward, claiming her lips in a searing kiss as she carded her fingers through the tight ponytail Kara was wearing, effectively loosening the strands and messing up the neat hairstyle. Kara winced at the slight discomfort it brought but focused on the pleasure it also brought instead, only serving to rile her further into touching more, _grabbing more_ , and  _taking more_.

 

Her hands descended down the generous curve of Siobhan’s ass, smiling against plump lips as Siobhan gasped and raised herself to rub against Kara’s stomach.

 

“Use your hand. I need your fingers, Kara,” Siobhan rasped with just enough begging coloring her voice, and Kara didn’t find any reason to refuse the woman’s request, but not before another  _tease_.

 

“Say please,” Kara responded; felt rather smug as Siobhan whined into her neck, all whilst attempting to seek the friction that she so clearly needed. Kara was stronger, however; and as she showcased it by holding Siobhan and keeping her firmly in place, the latter whimpered quietly, clearly gratified by the display of strength and dominance.

 

“Please,” she murmured,  _begged_ , and tried to move against Kara’s hold again. This time, Kara allowed her to seek her pleasure for a few rolls of her hips, but she took back that control almost as quickly as she gave it to Siobhan.

 

She slid her hand down to the brunette’s bare thigh, squeezing the ample flesh very tightly and leaving bright, pink lines on it, before sliding her fingers under the hem of her dress and pushing it past her hips. With her dress bunched up around her waist, Kara wasted no time pushing her hand into her underwear, finding slick warmth with her fingers.

 

And as Siobhan breathed out a gratified whimper, Kara thought that, for now, she could focus on this and think about her problems with Lena later.

 

For now, this was enough.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a good hour or two, just thirty minutes before twelve at noon, when Kara and Siobhan finally managed to straighten up their clothes and appear to be the opposite of fucking for longer than what was considered  _appropriate_  in her office.

 

 _Fucking wasn’t even appropriate, at all_ , Kara reminded herself.

 

Kara was groaning and grumbling endlessly about being distracted; about forgetting Lena’s promise to spend lunch with her. She’d been sloppy, and no, not in  _that_  way. God, she wanted to slap the smug smile off of Siobhan’s face. She needed to stop looking like that.

 

“I need you to leave now,” Kara hissed as she grabbed her air freshener and sprayed it around her room. She knew she was being paranoid, but she couldn’t risk  _anyone_  smelling sex in her office; not with how long they did it that day.

 

Siobhan merely rolled her eyes as she buttoned her jacket back on, brushing her hair a few times. “You’re being too obvious, Kara.”

 

“We fucked for  _way too long_ , Siobhan,” Kara sneered at her after tossing the can back into its compartment. “We forgot to lock the door. It’s a fucking miracle that no one came here at all.”

 

“It’s Friday, Kara,” she drawled out.  “No one’s visiting professors before lunch because they’re all in their classes. You know afternoons are usually empty.”

 

“Nia could have dropped by.”

 

“Didn’t see the mousey girl anywhere when you shoved me on your chair and ate me out,” Siobhan chuckled. “Thanks for that, by the way.”

 

“Shut up, Siobhan,” Kara grumbled as she took the can out again and sprayed some at her chair. She’d forgotten about what she did there in her haste to appear decent for when Lena would arrive. “I really need you to go. Now, please.”

 

Siobhan snorted. “Just earlier, you were the one asking me to say ple—”

 

She was interrupted by a series of knocks on Kara’s door, and they both froze as the doorknob shook. Completely forgetting about the other person in the room, probably because of a mixture of excitement and dread, Kara rushed to the door and pulled it open, lips instantaneously splitting into a wide grin at the sight of Lena.

 

“Lena!” She stepped forward and hugged her wife, all shame for what she’d just done while wearing the same clothes forgotten. “What took you so long?”

 

Kara heard a soft laugh behind her but ignored it as Lena stepped into her office and sighed in feigned exasperation.

 

“Well, it turns out that the restaurant is a much bigger hit than I expected. Even my name couldn’t make my order any faster. That, and I may or may not have been distracted by something else.” Lena smiled sheepishly, and Kara thought it made her look younger – happier. “Anyway, lunch is here!”

 

Kara beamed at her wife, taking the bag from her with a well-practiced kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, Lena.” Remembering that she’s not alone, she cleared her throat as she pulled away, turning to the other person in the room, who had somehow transported from behind her desk to one of the chairs, looking so innocent in the way she smiled up at Lena.

 

Siobhan Smythe was one hell of an actress.

 

“Oh, this is Professor Smythe, by the way. She’s from the Department of Humanities and Social Sciences.” 

 

Siobhan grinned at Lena as she greeted her, which the latter reciprocated with an equally graceful smile. “Pleased to meet you, Professor Smythe.”

 

“Likewise, Mrs. Luthor-Danvers.” 

 

“That was such a mouthful,” Lena laughed. “Just Mrs. Danvers will do.”

 

Siobhan gestured with her hands, accepting the correction, all whilst giving Kara a subtle, inquisitive look. Was Kara really going to drag this out?

 

Kara seemed to pick it up and turned to Lena. “Professor Smythe and I were just finishing—”

 

Three knocks echoed in her office before the door opened, revealing Nia with a bunch of papers in her hand.

 

“Doctor Danvers? I was wo— oh.”

 

Lena’s smile dropped.

 

“Nia!” Kara squeaked from beside Lena. “How may I help you?”

 

Siobhan stood from her seat with a sigh. “Well, it’s starting to get a little crowded here.” She chuckled as she made her way to the door, where Nia was still rooted in her place by Lena’s gaze. She turned to Kara, quirking an eyebrow, clearly amused at her current predicament. “I’ll be on my way. Thank you for helping out with the revision, Professor Danvers.”

 

Kara smiled and nodded at Siobhan’s retreating figure. “Anytime, Professor Smythe.”

 

With one less person in the room, the married couple and Nia were left in awkward silence, only aided by Kara’s fussing over Nia and the papers she was holding in her arms. Even that didn’t help with how Lena had turned into a statue, all stiff and standing tall as if trying to establish her better status in the room with someone. Maybe she was.

 

“I-It’s— sorry, sorry! I’ll just come back later. These papers can wait, Doctor Danvers,” Nia shook her head and clutched the papers tighter to her chest. “Wrong timing.”

 

Kara smiled tenderly at her. “Come in, Nia. I see your bag. You always join me for lunch—”

 

Behind her, Lena stiffened even more, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Nia.

 

“—I’m sure Lena wouldn’t mind,” Kara turned to her wife, and Lena instantly softened, if just to appear nonchalant for Kara’s sake. “Right, love?”

 

“Of course,” Lena said, but went back to her frigid state when Kara turned back to Nia, blue eyes urging her to submit to them.

 

But Nia was intimidated by the woman standing behind Kara.

 

The same woman who’d caused Kara’s tears that particular night.

 

As intimidated as she was, however; a little part of her was not very enthusiastic to be in the same room as the woman who’d made Kara sad – much less share food with her.

 

“I’ll just come back later, Doctor Danvers,” Nia replied, a little relaxed this time, though still very eager to get away as quickly as possible. “Please enjoy your lunch with Mrs. Danvers.”

 

“Oh,” Kara seemed to deflate but accepted her refusal with an easy shrug and smile. “Okay. You enjoy your lunch, too, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Nia smiled, then turned to Lena. “Ma’am.”

 

Lena acknowledged her farewell with a nod, and nothing more.

 

Kara closed the door with a soft chuckle, turning back to her wife at the click of the lock. “Nia’s always shy around new people. Don’t take offense.”

 

“I bet,” Lena raised an eyebrow as walked across the office to sit on her usual place at the couch. “Even more so when she witnessed us kiss some nights ago.”

 

“Oh,” Kara blushed, and Lena couldn’t help but grin at such an endearing sight, regardless of the topic brought forth. She sat next to Lena as she placed the bag on the small table in front of them, taking out the containers one by one. “Right. Yeah, that night. She saw us kiss… or not. She was gone, wasn’t she?”

 

Lena shrugged. “I don’t know. I think I was too busy kissing you to notice someone else.”

 

Kara snorted. “Stop.”

 

“Hm, why would I?” Lena grinned as she bent down to take her own share of their lunch, eyes briefly flashing at the all the  _greens_  inside her container.

 

“Because I told you to,” Kara quipped whilst taking her own, grinning down at the abundant serving of beef teriyaki, only for it to turn into a grimace when her eyes locked with Lena’s salad. “Are you seriously eating grass for lunch?”

 

Lena scoffed indignantly. “It’s hardly  _grass_ , Kara. You’re a graduate school professor. I’m sure you know the names of your vegetables.”

 

“It’s green. Grass is green. Those vegetables are green,  _ergo_ ,” Kara stuck her tongue out at Lena. “You’re eating grass.”

 

“Your logic is questionable,” Lena rolled her eyes, albeit fondly.

 

They indulged in comfortable silence after that, both of them enjoying their food with silent hums and moans of approval. At one point, Lena became a little too enthusiastic and released a moan, which one might consider  _obscene,_ and they looked at each other for one, shocked second, before dissolving into stifled laughter.  

 

“I’m sorry,” she apologized after swallowing her food. Right, enough of the  _greens_.

 

“Don’t apologize,” Kara grinned. “It was cute.”

 

“Cute,” Lena deadpanned. “Really?”

 

Kara shrugged, still grinning around her new mouthful of beef.

 

Lena shook her head fondly, then lowered her gaze when she remembered something she needed to bring up to Kara. She deflated, knowing that the light atmosphere surrounding them was going to disappear once she brought it up, but it couldn’t be helped.

 

“Kara,” she began, waiting for the blonde to look up to her, before continuing. “My mom asked – again— about whether we’ve made an appointment with Dr. Ardeen. It’s been a month since that disaster of a dinner and… they’re getting anxious.”

 

As expected, Kara’s bright disposition turned somber. She placed her container back on the table; clearly having lost her appetite, and then sighed as she leaned back after wiping her mouth clean with a tissue.

 

“We haven’t talked about that,” Kara said, quietly. “We  _must_  talk about it now.”

 

Lena nodded – “I know.” – then fell quiet, waiting for Kara to say more. When it seemed like it wasn’t happening any time soon, she sighed softly and reached out to hold Kara’s hand, wrapping it with her fingers. “I’ve thought about it plenty of times since we fought, Kara. I… It’s a scary thought, I will admit that –“ she felt Kara’s hand turn and her fingers fit between the spaces of her own, providing comfort. “— but I’m willing to carry the child.  _Our_  child, Kara. I think… well, I couldn’t say that I’ve always wanted to have a child.” They both laughed at that, albeit quietly. “But, well, I’m not getting any younger—”

 

“You’re barely twenty-eight, Lena.”

 

“—and doctors say that there’s a higher chance of  _healthy_  pregnancy at the age of twenty-four or twenty-five. It gets harder and harder as the woman ages another year. If we want to get pregnant, we should start trying as soon as possible.”

 

Kara blinked owlishly at her, but those eyes quickly narrowed as she crossed her arms. “You seem  _way too_  eager for this pregnancy, Lena. Quite a huge difference from when your mother asked us to have a child.”

 

Lena froze –  a rare and unnoticeable reaction to the untrained eye. “I just really want to get our parents off our back. We had nine years of peace from their extra demands. What are nine months of suffering for another nine years of peace, right?”

 

Kara stared at Lena;  _studied_ her. Something felt  _off_  with how Lena was acting at that moment. She was stiff in her seat, fingers still on her lap. Not that Lena was a fidgety person, but she was too…  _still_.

 

“Besides, I only reacted that way because it was too sudden, and the way my mother spoke of her future grandchild like it was not  _human_  at all,” Lena added grimly. “Just another pawn to her game in the future.”

 

That, Kara understood. Maybe she was just over thinking things – a common occurrence these days, it seemed to be.

 

“Okay,” she succumbed, arms loosening and hands lying limp on her lap. “You’re right. Your mom did say  _first half of next year_.” She rolled her eyes whilst mimicking her mother-in-law, which elicited a peal of muffled laughter from Lena. “Well, we need to make that call.”

 

Kara took out her phone and scrolled down her contacts to find a familiar name.

 

“You have Dr. Ardeen’s number?” Lena asked, eyebrow arched.

 

Kara shrugged. “My mom gave me Dr. Ardeen’s card last week.”

 

It was Imra Ardeen’s personal number.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Did you tell her?_

 

_Yes._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lena remembers some events in the past. kara and lena visit someone. a little bit of history revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, friends! okay, so, like a noob, i miscalculated by years so instead of it being set in 2018, the story is now set in the future. freaking september 2019. kamsdad 
> 
> guys, when you write stories? please establish dates before writing. don't follow my lead. pls no.
> 
> anyway, here's chapter 7! unbeta'd and... idk what a plot is. lol. i wrote this at 12 am. :') if you're confused about something, feel free to write them below and i shall work on editing/clarifying when i'm more coherent than now. LOL!
> 
> ok no more rambling. i hope you enjoy!

**September 11, 2019 -- Present**

 

 

Lena turned off her phone after reading the last reply in her messages with Jack, which happened to be the one she sent three days ago. Technically, she did tell Kara about the matter of her pregnancy. Or, well, would-be pregnancy. Jack didn’t have to know that she’d been way ahead of him and his  _suggestions_. Her responsibility in keeping Jack’s doubts and fears at ease was temporarily taken care of, so now she had all the liberty to put him aside and focus on the  _present_.

 

The present: make sure that she gets pregnant before the year ends.

 

Setting an appointment with Dr. Ardeen had been quite easy; not that Lena expected anything else. With their combined names and the fact that it involved one Kara Danvers, Lena knew that they would be the doctor’s priority, regardless of their history.

 

A history that involved her, whether Lena liked it or not.

 

 _So much for focusing on the present,_  a wry smile curled at the corner of her lips as she slipped her arms through the sleeves of her dress shirt. Remembering those days of light teasing and subtle jealousy was never her favorite part whenever her mind would drag her down that particular memory lane, but it was something she could hardly avoid; not when it was all she had to deal with whilst witnessing Kara fall for Imra harder and deeper.

 

She always thought it was ridiculous to feel that way – to resent Kara for liking Imra when she was there – her wife – right by her side. She shuddered at the memories of her bristling whenever Imra would come around to take Kara’s attention away from her; when Kara would cancel on movie nights because Imra needed a study buddy. Once, she even went as far as to keep Kara locked out of the house when the blonde forgot to bring her spare key, spouting excuses later on about taking sleeping pills and being way too deep in slumber to hear Kara’s calls. Kara waved her off with her usual friendly smile and said it was fine – she spent the night with Imra, instead.

 

It always took one figurative slap on the face to realize that she was being a ridiculous cow for the way she was acting about Kara liking Imra. An hour of cuddling with Jack, and then she’d be questioning herself: who was she to keep Kara from pursuing her own love when Lena had Jack in her arms? When Lena refused to let Jack go even after realizing that, perhaps, Kara wasn’t  _that_  bad to have as her wife?

 

It’s funny that she was in the same position that she was back in college again. However, instead of Imra, it was Nia – Kara’s advisee.

 

She couldn’t blame Nia for finding Kara so charming, of course. Her wife had always had that power over people. They gravitated towards her sunny disposition and craved to be the center of her attention, most especially the gorgeous smile she never failed to share to everyone. Women and men alike envied her for having Kara Danvers in her arms; for having her so close – so accessible – to kiss and touch, something Lena definitely took advantage of when in the presence of an audience.

 

And Nia – with her almost identical disposition with Kara; her eagerness to pursuit knowledge; her kind smile and gentle words; and her friendly bickering with Kara, the latter being something that she once shared with her wife during the early stages of their marriage – was almost the perfect for Kara.

 

 _Almost,_  because Lena didn’t think she was perfect for Kara, and she hated herself for that. She hated that even after years of ignoring Kara, she still felt that underlying possessiveness over her wife. She hated that after giving up on the idea that she could ever have something more with Kara, she  _still_  couldn’t seem to let go of her. She hated herself for  _forgetting_ Kara. Moreover, she hated herself for basically encouraging Kara to pursue other people.

 

Yes, she did tell Kara in a brief moment of ugly jealousy with a barely disguised nonchalance that she was free to sleep with other people, but,  _God_ , saying the words had almost made her want to vomit. She knew it was unfair of her to expect something else of Kara, not with her enjoying the liberty of being able to keep Jack by her side, but thinking of Kara with someone else’s arms around her neck; someone else’s lips kissing her and touching her skin – Lena’s skin rolled and she felt the beginnings of another headache.

 

_Imra with her arms wound around Kara’s neck. Kara kissing Imra with a smile on her lips, her strong arms around Imra’s waist. Lena standing at the library’s entrance, gaping as Kara pulled away from the kiss and looked at her sheepishly, yet bearing no regrets even after being caught by Lena. Lena realizing that she’d made a mistake and that she should go back to the classroom to fix some things._

_To save herself._

And saved herself, she did.

 

Did she survive, though? She wasn’t sure.

 

All she ever succeeded in was forgetting the reasons behind her actions and decisions in the past years, hurting Kara in the process. In the end, she became the person she tried so hard to avoid.

 

Yet, these reasons came rushing back into her life like a storm surge during a destructive typhoon because of memories triggered by Imra’s return. 

 

Lena quickly finished buttoning the rest of her dress shirt before pinching the bridge of her nose. Slowly, she slid the pads of her fingers up her eyebrows, applying just the right amount of pressure to alleviate the pain, before stopping on her temples. She sighed softly as she brought her hands back down her sides, her gaze making a slow trail from the floor up to her reflection on the mirror before her.

She looked every bit the presentable wife, and in an hour, she was going to meet Imra for the first time since college. She’d be standing before the very person who triggered such irrational jealousy within her and brought a disastrous wave of insecurities she’d never once had to swim against because she never had to – the one who’d pushed her to completely pull away from Kara because she realized she was becoming a toxic person.

 

It would be like college all over again, won’t it?

 

 _Maybe it won’t be as bad_ , she thought as she slowly tugged on the hem of her dress shirt. The difference this time was Kara would be by her side. Kara would be holding her hand and Lena would be the one wearing the triumphant smile on her face this time around. She’d be the one having Kara’s support, even though Lena knew that it would be out of necessity than anything else.

 

She’d be the proud woman in Kara’s arm, and Imra would be the  _outsider_.

 

Her musing was interrupted by some shuffling behind her and, briefly, she saw Kara’s form towering behind her. She didn’t get enough time to turn as she felt a pair of hands pulling on the hem of her shirt. A smirk tugged at the corner of her lips, barely fought the urge to lean back.

 

“I think it’d look best if it’s tucked into your pants,” Kara said as she stood to her right, blue eyes scanning Lena from head to toe. If Lena didn’t know better, she’d think that it was…  _hunger_  reflected in them; heavy and palpable, as if Lena could actually feel them against her skin. It made her skin rise in little bumps. “It’s the trend, right? Old but good all over again?”

 

“Are you saying that I’m old?” Lena snorted softly as she gathered her shirt up her ribs, above her pants, missing the way Kara’s eyes seemed to gloss over at the sight of pale, smooth skin.

 

Kara’s hands moved on their own and before she knew it, she was taking the crumpled shirt from Lena’s hands, smiling at the brunette. “May I?” she asked and waited until Lena nodded before tugging on her pants with one hand, inserting her shirt with the other. Kara’s hand barely touched any part of Lena’s body, but she was hyperaware of its presence  _in her pants_  that Kara might as well be touching her. She exhaled heavily through her nose and focused her gaze somewhere else, form rigid as she tried to keep still if only to avoid coming in contact with Kara’s working hands.

 

Kara, on the other hand, seemed blissfully unaware of her effects on Lena. Her eyebrows are furrowed as they tried to smooth down the creases on Lena’s shirt, though it was something that she could obviously not control because the shirt was bigger than Lena. They were meant to look like that, and yet the blonde was determined to make them look as smooth as possible, hands pressing and sliding down Lena’s waist and hips, then slithering back into her pants to pull her shirt down again.

 

Lena almost laughed. In all their nine years of marriage, they had never gone beyond heated kisses – and even those were done in public. Maybe there was one time, during a drunken stupor, when they allowed their hands to wander, but that was a story for another day. Now, here was Kara, with her hands casually shoved inside Lena’s pants, and they haven’t even consummated their marriage properly yet.

 

“This is such odd foreplay,” Lena murmured, voice dripping with mirth, and then laughed when Kara flushed and spluttered. “Aw, honey, pink suits your cheeks very well.”

 

Lena’s laughter didn’t last long, however; when the blonde seemed to catch herself and fought through her embarrassment to straighten up and stand a little taller. Her eyebrow quirked and her lips pressed into a thin line as she grabbed Lena by the waist, taking her by surprise when she felt herself being pulled against a solid body. Warm breath brushed against the shell of her ear, nearly pushing an honest-to-God whimper out of her mouth, if not for her impressive self-control.

 

“I can show you  _foreplay_ ,” Kara rasped as she brushed the tip of her nose along the curve of Lena’s ear, smiling wolfishly as she heard a soft gasp escape Lena’s mouth.

 

It was such a cliché line, horrible even. Lena should push her away for that but found herself incapable of  _using_ her brain and commanding her body to move out of the blonde’s grasp. Instead, she stood there like a panting idiot, heart nearly bursting out of her chest when she felt Kara’s fingers dig deeper into her clothed flesh.

 

Warm. Everything was so warm. Kara’s body was warm and  _hard_ against her back. Her breath seemed to grow hotter with every puff against her ear. Her fingers were holding her as though they intended to do more than press her against Kara’s chest; as if they intend on sliding up her back and pushing her against the mirror instead.

 

Kara was the sun and Lena was the human who wore a pair of wings made of wax, and she found herself drawing closer and closer to her.

 

“Pink suits your cheeks, too,” Kara chuckled quietly, and Lena found herself descending back down to the earth, her wings melted and proven useless.

 

Lena huffed and stepped away from the blonde as the latter merely raised her hands in surrender. “Funny,” she drawled, finally having enough brain functionality to look at herself in the mirror now that there was a distance between her and the mischievous blonde. Lena nearly gasped at the sight of her, flushed from the neck up to her ears, which only intensified when Kara walked back whilst laughing softly, albeit not teasingly.

 

“Come on, Lena,” she said as she grabbed her jacket from the back of the couch. “It’s good practice for later. Besides, pink  _really_  does suit you. It gives you… life.”

 

“We’re not going to have sex in Dr. Ardeen’s clinic, Kara,” Lena rolled her eyes and began to tie her hair up to a neat ponytail, smiling triumphantly at the blush returning to Kara’s cheeks. “I’ll let this one pass,” she said, then continued after stopping near the smug-looking blonde. “But, I’m getting you back for that later, Danvers. Don’t think I’ll forget so easily.”

 

“Oh, believe me,” Kara snickered softly and walked to the door, opening it for Lena. “I remember quite a few instances of you getting back at me in the past, yet failing to prove the fact that you’re seeking revenge instead of… seeking pleasure.”

Lena paused by the door, looking at the blonde with thoughtful eyes. That was new. Kind of. They never spoke of past events – at least, ones from the  _good times_  – so hearing Kara making a reference on their shenanigans was surprising, yet refreshing.

 

Perhaps, her stupidity  _that_  night was bringing good changes after all.

 

“Well, you’ll have to be careful, then,” Lena quirked an eyebrow, then smiled knowingly at the blonde as she made her way to the car first. “I’ve improved over the years.”

 

“Guess we’ll see very soon.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lena hadn’t expected to find herself sitting in an office at home instead of a clinic.

 

She’d expected it to be the latter, probably because she was used to every progress in their marriage being publicized, but she had to admit that it was a nice change. That, and she appreciated the overall appearance of the room. The interior design of the office wasn’t too professional so as to make her feel uncomfortable, which was ridiculous because everything about the places she owned screamed professionalism, all clean lines, and monotonous colors. Dr. Ardeen’s office was just the right amount of  _homey_  and  _indifferent_  – how she seemed to perceive the room that way, she had no idea.

 

Then again, she was thankful for the distraction. It was enough to take her mind off of any undesired feelings that might be brought upon by the doctor’s return to her life. It was a short affair: their greetings by the front door. Dr. Ardeen welcomed them with a polite smile, her eyes lingering a little longer on Kara, which made Lena tighten her hold around Kara’s arm. Fortunately, the doctor seemed wise enough to pick up on Lena’s barely disguised agitation and moved on to introducing herself. After the  _reintroductions_ , Dr. Ardeen led them to her office and began orienting them with the procedure she’d discovered a year ago, along with a team of doctors led by her.

 

“I understand that you might have questions regarding the procedure, but I assure you that the results we have had so far have been positive,” Imra continued, her smile still easy and polite. “The couples who underwent the procedure were blessed with perfectly healthy babies. Enough to assure us that, if something undesirable  _does_  ever happen in the future, it is because of other factors. Not because of the unorthodox procedure itself.”

 

Lena felt Kara squeezing her hand, drawing her attention from the doctor. She looked at her and smiled tenderly, grateful for her unrelenting presence. Act or not, she was thankful to have Kara beside her. She was in an appointment, which would eventually lead to her getting pregnant after all.

 

_God, she was going to have a baby soon._

 

Breathing out shakily, Lena pressed her lips briefly together before smiling softly, “I am sure that you already know this, Dr. Ardeen, but my mother was the one who suggested you to us. That, alone, should assure you that you have our complete trust in your hands to make sure that everything goes well for  _us_.”

 

“I agree,” Kara added. “And on behalf of my wife, I’d just like to express our gratitude to you, Im—Dr. Ardeen, for finding a way for couples like us to have children of our own.” The blonde smiled tenderly at the doctor, which the doctor reciprocated with understanding more than anything else.

 

“Which makes me wonder,” Lena followed, needing an excuse to break the connection. “What motivated you to discover this sort of method?”

 

Imra was quiet for a bit, clearly deep in her thoughts as she crossed one leg over the other. “I made a promise to someone,” she replied, gaze finding Kara’s before immediately flickering back to Lena’s inquisitive ones. “I never break the promises I make.” After a moment of pause, she leaned back in her chair. “Right, then. With that all said and done, may I ask who’s carrying?”

 

Lena stared at her in silence, then straightened up, deciding that she’d ask Kara about the vague answer later. “That would be me.”

 

Imra smiled at her. “I see,” and then turned to Kara. “So, let’s start with you.” She pulled out a notebook from inside her drawer, opening it to a new, clean page. “If I may ask when was the last time you had your menstruation?”

 

Kara blinked, and Lena, despite herself, had to bite back her laughter as she watched Kara’s neck progressively become red. “I-I don’t—what-”

 

Imra laughed. “I’m sorry. I should have started slowly.”

_Old habits_ , Lena bristled.  _Familiarity_.

 

“Right, so, we need to establish the length of your period and your cycle, so we can determine when the perfect time to extract healthy and very fertile eggs from you is.”

 

Lena shook her head in mild amusement, and all Kara could really do was glare at her. “Don’t laugh. You’ll be next.”

 

Imra agreed with a soft hum, and it was enough to silence Lena.

 

“Okay. Well, let’s see…”

 

* * *

 

 

After a round of thoroughly answering Imra’s questions, the doctor finally seemed satisfied enough to give the couple a reprieve and excused herself for a moment.

 

“Oh, God, I’m never doing that again,” Kara grumbled as she deflated like a balloon in her seat.

 

Lena reached out and patted her knee sympathetically, feeling a little freer to act more like herself around the blonde while the doctor was gone. “Just look at the bright side. We’re not going straight into having our eggs extracted. We still need to go through some tests to make sure that the pregnancy will be as smooth as possible.” She patted Kara’s knee one last time, before crossing her arms beneath her chest. “You still have plenty of time to prepare yourself.”

 

“I’m almost not looking forward to it,” she grumbled once more whilst straightening up in her seat, then continued quietly. “I don’t get why there’s a rush for an heir. Or a sudden need for one, even. Why couldn’t they give us enough time to come up with a plan, to think things through thoroughly to avoid any further problems?”

 

Lena pursed her lips and sighed softly. “I don’t know… but all I know is that I’m glad that I’m doing this with you.”

 

“Not long ago, you were telling me to have Jack as the donor.”

 

Lena blanched, speechless, and Kara grimaced. “Sorry. Too soon?”

 

“Way too soon,” Lena replied breathlessly.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kara said, taking Lena’s hand in hers. “Lena, I’ve forgiven you for it, so don’t apologize anymore, okay? We were stressed, we fought, we poured our frustrations on each other, we said some things we didn’t mean, but we talked and we explained, and that’s what matters most, okay?”

 

 _Oh, Kara_ , Lena thought forlornly. Why did she have to be so good? Why did she have to be so forgiving?

 

Blinking back her tears, she nodded and smiled as she looked down to her lap. Never in a million years would she ever deserve someone like Kara.

 

Kara was in the process of lifting Lena’s hand to her lips when Imra walked back into her office. Lena looked at the latter, expecting to see barely hidden jealousy, maybe an obvious longing for the professor, but she saw none. Instead, she saw a soft smile on her face and what seemed to be acceptance in her eyes.

 

“I’m sorry for barging in,” Imra said sheepishly, and Kara responded with a dismissive wave of her hand.

 

“We’re the ones being sappy in your office,” the blonde said playfully. “No need for apologies.”

 

They all shared a laugh at that.

 

“True, true,” Imra conceded. “Anyway, I’ve just contacted my secretary. She should have the schedule for the tests emailed to you by now. Once we determine that you’re both good to proceed, we’ll wait for your most fertile day for the extraction. Sounds good?”

 

Kara smiled. “Never heard anything better.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

**October 2011**

_“… I don’t understand.”_

_Lena pursed her lips and steadied herself. “I want to try with her, Jack. Kara is… nice and I can see myself being with her for a long time. We’ve become friends now…” the brunette trailed off, swallowing thickly. “… and I really think that Kara would agree with me. I’m so sorry, Jack.”_

_The boy looked absolutely broken, and Lena’s heart reached out for him. He’d prepared such a pleasant surprise for her. He’d decorated the classroom with balloons and some flowers, candle-lit dinner at the center. How he managed to talk the dean into allowing him to set it up, she wasn’t sure._

_It was just unfortunate that Lena had also been thinking about doing something for a completely different person. Granted, it involved lesser props and grand gestures, but she was hoping for it to be welcomed with open arms._

_“Lena, please…”_

_Lena shook her head. “I’m sorry, Jack.” And with that, she left the room to look for her blonde._

_Lena Luthor would never admit this to other people, but she was skipping her way to the library at four in the afternoon, knowing that it was where she’d find her wife after dismissal. Truth to be told, she shouldn’t be so perky after what she did back in the classroom, but she couldn’t help it._

_She knew that to a certain extent, Kara shared the same feelings with her. It wasn’t as strong as what she once felt with Jack, but it was **convincing** enough for Lena to turn her back on Jack and pursue a relationship with Kara. That much was obviously true._

_But as she opened the door to the mostly empty library, what she saw made her think twice._

_Imra with her arms wound around Kara’s neck. Kara kissing Imra with a smile on her lips, her strong arms around Imra’s waist. Lena standing at the library’s entrance, gaping as Kara pulled away from the kiss and looked at her sheepishly, yet bearing no regrets even after being caught by Lena. Lena realizing that she’d made a mistake and that she should go back to the classroom to fix some things._

_To save herself._

_She ran. She ran as quickly as her legs could bring her back to the room, desperately hoping that Jack was still there._

_And he was._

_He was dejectedly cleaning the room, putting props back into their containers. It was a sight that broke Lena’s heart all over again._

_“Jack,” she called out in her broken voice, and as the boy turned to look at her, she practically fell into his body, arms wrapped so tightly around his torso she feared she might break him even more._

_“L-Lena?”_

_“I’m sorry,” she sobbed into his chest. “Don’t leave me. I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I’m so sorry.”_

_Jack was confused, but something must have happened for him to have Lena back in his arms again. Whatever it was, he was thankful for it. He was hurt, but still, thankful._

_“It’s okay, Lena,” he cooed, caressing her back. “I’m here, Lena. I’m never leaving you.”_

_“I promise.”_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kara's onto suspicious stuff, jack is a dick, kara and lena have a momentTM.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back again after a month with another update!!! knowing me, you can definitely expect another chapter within this week.   
> work's been hella demanding, guys, but we fight like the warriors that we are!!!! 
> 
> as always, unbeta'd bc who'd even beta this story. 
> 
> all mistakes are mine!!

the weeks following their first appointment with dr. ardeen were probably the busiest kara had ever had since earning her doctorate degree. that was probably a mere exaggeration, but considering how heavy her body felt and how high the stacks of papers she had on her desk, kara would say it’s almost an understatement.

 

the thing was, proofreading policy papers and thesis papers had never been an issue for kara before. she was usually ahead of time, and never  _just on time,_ but now with their parents hovering above their heads about the immediate request for an heir, kara was suddenly  _so out of her game_. her head was all over the place. she didn’t know where to focus on, what to do first and what to do last. it’s an odd feeling – being one of those people who found themselves sitting quietly and spacing out, lost in the wilderness of responsibilities and obligations.

 

not to mention the endless train of thoughts regarding the many challenges her heart seemed to be facing. it was hard not to allow herself to think of  _possibilities_  when lena was always interrupting her lunch with nia – something that’s become a routine for her and her student since the beginning of the semester. she knew she shouldn’t think too much of it, and better remind herself that lena was just trying to make things work, even if it was only for appearance’s sake. but there was something about lena knocking on her door and entering with purpose in her steps, presenting the lunch she made for kara,  _along with her own_ , the first week after their first checkup. she’d appeared surprised at seeing nia in her office, an unreadable glint in her eyes, which eventually melted into that of a well-practiced smile as she apologized for interrupting whatever discussion she was having with nia.

 

_“oh, i thought i’m supposed to have lunch outside-”_

 

_lena scoffed. “don’t be silly. i forgot to prepare your lunch, so i figured i’d come by and have lunch **with you,** instead.”_

 

_“you didn’t have to, love,” then, as if remembering that nia was still with them, kara turned and beamed at her advisee, “let’s all have lunch together, then! i was just going out with nia to grab lunch, actually.”_

 

_nia was no fool. judging by the subtle stiffening of dr. danvers’ wife, she knew she wasn’t welcomed, no matter how pleasant the smile was on her face._

 

_“no, that’s fine,” nia chuckled nervously. “i can just have lunch with a friend. his classes end in about ten minutes, so…” pursing her lips in a little smile, she bade them goodbye and scurried out of the room._

 

_kara blinked at the retreating figure of her student, placing her hands on her hips as she turned to her wife. “well, guess it’s just the two of us, then.”_

 

_“don’t sound so disappointed, dear,” lena chided playfully._

 

_“never.”_

 

lena’s interruption occurred regularly to the point where nia never stayed after the allotted time for their mentoring, anymore. it’s as if the lack of a packed lunch somewhere in her room became a knowing signal that her wife was coming  _and_  staying for lunch, and as bad as she felt for the sudden change in their routine, she couldn’t find it in herself to be disappointed about this change with lena.

 

if before, she barely saw her wife even at home, now she was gifted with the opportunity to see her and talk to her every day before they eventually meet each other for bedtime. before, lena barely talked with kara about  _them_ , now she’s rather enthusiastic about the future – about their second appointment with dr. ardeen and just about anything that had to do with babies. names, colors, cribs, hair colors, eye colors. name them all, lena had mentioned them.

 

it still made kara suspicious, but only a very small part of her was fighting against her willingness to embrace whatever lena was giving her. even if her brain was calling for her heart to stop acting like a teenager with a crush and think about why lena was suddenly so eager to move forward, the red muscle just couldn’t be bothered to consider the more rational side of things. it was borderline pathetic, that much she would admit, but could she really be blamed for cherishing the good times she could get with lena?

 

god, she wasn’t even sure what it implied. did it mean that they’re actually… going to try? that lena was willing to be  _her wife_  and not just a wife for the public? was she going to hold kara’s hand again as they walk down the streets, regardless of an audience or not? was she going to kiss kara just because it felt natural? just like how they did before?

 

was she going to leave jack?

 

 _hah, impossible_ , kara thought bitterly before shutting down her laptop. glancing at her wristwatch, she blinked upon realizing that it was thirty minutes past her usual dismissal time. she hastily gathered her things and shoved them inside her messenger bag, cursing under her breath.

 

“dang it.” she made quick work of locking her office and sprinted down to the parking lot. fishing her phone out of her back pocket, kara cursed once more upon seeing multiple messages from an unregistered number.

 

_damn it, she was going to be late._

 

\--

 

“well, the media caught on quickly,” jack drawled beside lena, and she prayed for patience. at least, for now. “may i suggest a public display to justify a  _sudden need for a baby_?” he continued wryly, lips drawn to one side as he switched his phone off and placed it on his desk.

 

“the source is hardly a credible site,” she blinked. “perhaps the writer doesn’t know that we’ve been together for almost ten years. and you wonder why journalism is becoming one of the lesser sought after career choice these days.” lena lifted her glass of scotch to her lips, only for it to be intercepted by jack’s large hand, causing her eyebrows to furrow. “jack-”

 

“your chances of getting pregnant will get smaller the more you  _forget_  that you’re supposed to stop consuming these things, lena,” he scolded gently, eyes softening as he placed the glass back on the desk with a thud. “it’s like you’re not even trying.”

 

lena bristled. “if you look into my schedule, you’d know just how hard I am in trying to get pregnant. i might as well step down from being  _my company_ ’s ceo and become a breeding mare for the next two months.”

 

“now, lena,” jack grimaced. “don’t be crude. this is your future child we’re talking about. how would you think they’d feel if they find out that their mother once thought of them as nothing but a means to an end?”

 

“don’t talk as if you care about them, jack,” lena murmured.

 

silence took over them for a moment or two until jack reached out and covered lena’s hand with his, squeezing it with what she once thought was a comforting pressure. now it just seemed like a reminder of  _something_  more than anything.

 

“of course, i care,” jack said gently, lips curling slightly at the corner. “this is  _my_  child we’re talking about, too.”

 

lena froze and looked into jack’s eyes, looking so tender and loving and— lena felt like gagging. she couldn’t speak. all she could do was turn her hand and lace her fingers with jack’s, unable to find the right words to say even as jack seemingly urged her to speak up with another squeeze of her hand. when she didn’t, jack relented with a soft sigh and lowered his head. “lena,” he began, and lena noted how her voice seemed to waver as he swallowed thickly. “you know I’m only doing this for you, right?”

 

lena felt a sting at the back of her eyes, unable to keep her lower lip from trembling as she sucked in a deep breath. “jack, i…” she sighed, clenching her jaw.

 

there’s a sudden shift in the air. it suddenly felt heavy, the tension so palpable that lena thought it was a pair of hands wrapping around her neck, choking the air outside of her body. jack must have sensed her hesitation and his grip tightened around her hand, making her wince.

 

“jack,” she ground, tugging her hand from his vice grip. “stop it!”

 

“don’t back out on me now, lena,” jack hissed, a crazed look in his eyes. “i’m doing this for you;  _for us_. this is the only way for you to get out of this marriage and you know it.” he tugged her hand back, eliciting a soft whimper from her. “ _you know it, right? did you even tell her?”_

 

“yes, yes!” lena tugged a little harder and exhaled shakily when she finally got her hand back, cradling it against her chest as she glared at him. “what the hell, jack?”

 

jack seemed to sober at the question and his eyes mirrored his terror at what he’d just done. “lena, i—” he shook his head as he brought his hands up to his gaping mouth. “lena, I’m so sorry. i— I didn’t know what came over me.”

 

“it’s okay.”

 

jack shook his head again. “lena, no, it’s not okay. it’s—”

 

lena sighed. “just let it go, jack.” barely managing to keep her legs from shaking as she stood, lena gathered her things and left jack’s office, for once not finding it hard to leave him without so much as a second glance.  

 

“i’ll have my driver take you home.”

 

lena didn’t stop walking. “i can drive by my own.”

 

-

 

lena slammed the door close, swallowing the bile in her mouth as she gripped the steering wheel in front of her.

 

she’d fucked up. she knew that very well, and god, it was so sad that she knew jack so well. she had been one step ahead of him by suggesting the very same method he had in mind, only for things to go back several steps after she took back her words, promised kara a child of  _their own_ , and jack expectedly suggested the method she’d  _already_  refused to do for kara because it was such a fucked up things to do to the woman who’d been nothing but kind to her.

 

lena bit her lip roughly to the point of drawing blood and groaned tiredly as she bumped her forehead against the steering wheel.

 

she needed to find a way to keep things from getting even messier, especially with jack displaying…  _odd_  behavior.

 

interrupted by the buzzing of her phone, she fished out of her purse and sighed heavily upon seeing a message from jack.

 

**_I can contact Dr. Ardeen for you if you want. I’m sorry about earlier. I really don’t know what came over me._ **

 

lena rolled her eyes and replied.

 

_Don’t do anything, Jack. Dr. Ardeen knows Kara. Let me handle it._

 

**_Aren’t we going to talk about earlier?_ **

 

_I’m honestly too fucking upset right now; I don’t even want to be having this conversation with you._

 

**_Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll give you space._ **

 

Lena didn’t reply again.

 

-

 

it felt like hours for kara before she finally managed to leave her prior engagement with a barely disguised excuse. alex seemed just as eager to let her go, so she was confident that no scolding would come her way later on.

 

she was  _so ready_  to drop dead on her bed, but it was nine in the evening and surely, lena was home already – which she bitterly found out to be true by seeing a familiar car in their parking lot. jack’s car. kara swallowed the groan threatening to spill from her mouth when she pulled over beside the sleek, black car, briefly wondering if she should even enter through the main door or not.

 

she wasn’t sure what she’d see, and she wasn’t sure if she was eager to find out, too.

 

she contemplated putting her helmet on the car’s hood. yes, she’s aware that it’s a petty, and honestly useless, move, but – but, she wouldn’t do it. she wasn’t petty.

 

at least, she had her answer now.

 

kara begrudgingly pressed her hand against the scanner, ready to nonchalantly greet her wife and the dude, only to falter in her steps when she noticed the blatant absence of a testosterone-filled human. instead, it was just lena sat on one of the stools at the mini bar, nursing what obviously was a glass of alcohol.

 

“lena?” she called out even though the brunette already noticed her arrival. “long day at work, I assume?”

 

lena simply smiled and shrugged, fingers tracing the rim of her glass as she watched the liquid slowly settle. “you can say that.”

 

kara approached cautiously, wincing when lena obviously picked up on her very obvious staring at the glass of scotch. “are you going to scold me for having a glass of scotch, too?”

 

kara frowned, though her cheeks burned because, yes, she did want to remind her  _about that_. “well, not anymore,” she replied jokingly, stopping beside her wife with a soft sigh. “but,  _again_? who dared to scold you for drinking?”

 

lena exhaled noisily and shook her head. “just… just jess. I told her about, you know, us trying for a baby. actually,  _everyone_  knows about that. I saw some articles on the internet.”

 

kara rolled her eyes. “people don’t know how to mind their own business…” then, she added softly with a scoff. “I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s your mother who tipped them about it, though.”

 

“true,” she acknowledged, tilting her head to the side. “wouldn’t put it past her, indeed.”

 

“suspicious mother aside,” kara took the glass from lena’s fingers, downing it in one go. “oh god, that’s horrible.” she coughed and took a moment to gather herself again, before turning back to lena with an incredulous look on her face, as if she couldn’t believe that she did it, too. “how are you feeling?”

 

lena couldn’t help the soft laughter from bubbling out of her mouth. “you’re ridiculous, but to answer your question, i’m fine… I mean, as fine as I can be, really. work seems to be more demanding, yet more lenient at the same time. it’s like the board is not sure whether they’re willing to give me some time to focus on our endeavor right now as a married couple or not.”

 

“I’m sorry work is stressing you out.”

 

“I could say the same about you,” lena turned to her, eyebrow arched. “you haven’t been coming home pretty late these days. what’s got you so busy, hm?”

 

kara ducked her head and cleared her throat to hide the blush on her cheeks. “just work stuff, to be honest. you know, paperwork and all. it’s almost midterms, so, I have more things to worry about other than policy papers and nia.” then, as an effort to shift the attention from her, kara asked, “how’s jack?”

 

and instantly, she knew it wasn’t the best move.

 

lena deflated and pursed her lips, shoulders shrugging. “he’s fine. we’re fine.”

 

kara bit her lip. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought him up.”

 

“it’s fine, really. it’s perfectly normal for you to ask about him. after all, I’ve never been  _not_  obvious when it comes to my relationship with him in front of you.”

 

kara smiled sheepishly. “yeah, I actually thought he’s here with you. I saw his car outside.”

 

“ah…” lena straightened up. “i…  _was_  with him, but we weren’t really doing anything.” lena wasn’t sure why she suddenly felt the need to reassure kara, but judging by the wider smile on her face, lena figured it must have been welcomed. “would you like another glass? we can share if you’re worried about me drinking too much. honestly, I’ve just poured one before you came in.”

 

“please.”

 

lena took the clear bottle of scotch and poured a considerable amount in the same glass. “me first?” she asked, though didn’t wait for any response as she drank a mouthful of it, leaving half of its content for kara.

 

kara gawked at her.

 

“I did say we’ll share,” lena chuckled.

 

“yeah, but I expected it to be just… you know,  _a shot!_ ”

 

“oh, don’t be a baby,” lena grinned and lifted the glass to kara’s lips, already feeling a delightful buzz in her head. “drink.”

 

kara began to reach out for the glass, “let me-” but lena swatted her hand away with the other, arching an eyebrow.

 

“ _drink_.”

 

kara stared at lena, as if seeing her for the first time that night. it must be the alcohol, making lena do things she didn’t usually do, and kara was honestly too endeared to keep on refusing her wife, so she threw all precautions out the window and leaned closer, touching the rim of the glass against her lips. slowly, she tilted her head to the back, allowing lena to do the honors of tipping the glass gently over – which didn’t end very well with lena already slightly buzzed. kara sputtered as some of the scotch trickled past her lips and down her jaw. she coughed slightly and pulled away with a choked laugh, “what even—” and began to wipe her cheek when lena held her wrist and kept her from moving any further.

 

she looked up to meet lena’s eyes, slightly glassy yet focused on a particular area below her eyes. she swallowed, slowly parted her lips to call lena’s attention, but only managed to let out a soft gasp when lena was suddenly very near her face. she felt  _something_  touch the tip of her nose – whether it was lena’s nose or cheek, she wasn’t sure – but lena was so close. so, so close that she could smell the subtle hint of her vanilla-scented shower gel, mixed exquisitely with scotch with every puff of breath the brunette released. lena merely tilted her head to the direction where most of the scotch had spilled, and kara found herself swallowing once more as lena closed the gap between them and pressed her lips against her jaw.

 

the touch felt sticky – kara noted that lena was still wearing her lipstick, or maybe it was her overnight chapstick – and then it was moving south, suspiciously closer to where her pulse was probably going crazy. kara’s breath hitched as lena’s fingers loosened around her wrist, and instead slid up her arm and finally over her shoulder. she noticed the subtle change in lena’s position, closer, and  _fuck,_  between her legs. lena had gotten back on her feet to get even closer, their height somehow evened out by the stool, and kara could feel her everywhere and  _not_  at the same time. she could feel lena’s chest barely touching hers, her hands  _heavy_  on her shoulders, her hips radiating heat against kara’s, and her lips ghosting over the wet trail of scotch on her skin.

 

good gods, what had come over lena?

 

“lena—”

 

lena hushed her, squeezing her shoulders, and she succeeded as kara found herself  _unable_  to form any coherent thought in her head as she felt wet heat against her neck, sliding up to the area underneath her jaw. she trembled and grabbed lena’s forearms to anchor herself, lest she lose all rationality she had.

 

“lena, let’s stop for a moment…” kara choked out and pushed her just enough to give kara room for air. “just… think.”

 

“i’m very sure that I’m of clear thinking right now, kara,” lena replied exasperatedly.

 

“no, this—” kara groaned, briefly distracted by the  _rude_  throbbing between her legs. “you drank a bit of scotch.”

 

“ _a bit_ , being two very important adjectives right there.”

 

“still,” kara ground. “not long ago, you wouldn’t even kiss me in the mouth for photographs. and now… you’re doing this.”

 

that seemed to sober lena. she slid her hands down from kara’s shoulders and sat back down on the stool. “you’re right,” she conceded, sounding so defeated that kara almost took back her words. “I’m sorry.”

 

“don’t apologize,” kara licked her lips. “i…”

 

kara’s phone buzzed inside her pocket, effectively interrupting them both. kara took her phone out and bit her lip when she saw nia’s name flashing on the screen, unsure whether she should answer the call or not, especially with the situation with lena.

 

lena saw the name and immediately sighed, gingerly shaking her head as she faced away from kara. “answer. it could be important.”

 

kara pursed her lips. “maybe you should go upstairs and take a rest.” she waited for lena’s response, which came in the form of a soft, dismissive wave of her hand. “I’ll… meet you there.”

 

with one last look at lena, kara sighed and swiped her thumb across the screen.

 

\--

 

lena stood under the harsh spray of cold water, utterly miserable and embarrassed about what had just happened at the mini bar with kara. she hadn’t intended on allowing her deeply-buried desires from showing. she  _never_  wanted to let them manifest at all, not after everything she did. not after how she made their already complicated marriage  _even more_  complicated by keeping jack in her life.

 

she could think of so many reasons for that, but lena knew it was simply because she didn’t deserve  _anything_  from kara.

 

she didn’t deserve the look of want in kara’s eyes, as if she actually considered taking lena up on her unspoken offer. she didn’t deserve her  _respect_ , her willingness to do things right – not because there was alcohol involved and lena was too distracted to think properly.

 

she should have turned off the lights. her head was beginning to hurt. maybe she should get out of the shower. maybe. she didn’t know what to do.

 

the decision was taken out of her hands by a pair of arms snaking around her waist. she froze, even though she recognized the tanned skin over her pale stomach, but slowly relaxed as a soft, shushing brushed against the shell of her ear.

 

“it’s just me,” kara whispered, molding their bodies together, and lena tried not to think of kara’s nakedness pressed up against her own.

 

“kara…”

 

“just like old times?” kara asked, and lena turned to look at her over her shoulders.

 

the tender and understanding look in her eyes convinced lena enough to surrender to her warm embrace, and with a soft sigh, she practically melted into her wife’s solid form and closed her eyes.

 

“just like old times.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a flashback. kara tells lena something. nia is distracted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, guys! does anybody know how survive grad school? because i definitely need some advice. :'D  
> anyway, AS USUAL, unbeta'd and totally short, BUT!   
> here it is. the next chapter will probably come like... next week. or sometime then.

 

_giggles echoed within the narrow hall of the heiress’ home one starry night. one of them was tipsy, or perhaps she’s a bit too drunk to be tipsy, while the other was flushed from the singular glass of wine she’d consumed during dinner with their parents. the latter tried her best to keep her wife upright as they journeyed through the maze that was their home, but certain things were hard to achieve when one body was tripping every now and then, and the other just couldn’t help but burst out in laughter whenever she had to bend down and catch the clumsy creature in her arms._

 

_“kara, i can’t feel my legs,” lena whispered in the midst of her giggles, and kara could only roll her eyes._

 

_“just a little bit more, lena.” she tightened her arms around lena’s waist once they’re just a few steps away from their room._

 

_opening the door was yet another conquest, especially with lena deciding it best to lean against the wooden frame, making it hard for kara to twist the doorknob open._

 

_“lena—” kara groaned, and then yelped when lena straightened up as she tried to twist the knob again, sending them toppling down the floor with a chorus of groans and hisses. “goddammit—”_

 

_kara lifted herself off the floor to check on lena, but stopped midway when she found her wife all red in the cheeks, grinning so widely she feared she might rip her cheeks – which, wasn’t really a very beautiful thing to have in mind – but she’s beautiful, right there in the darkness of their room and the light from the hallway being their only source of light._

 

_kara sighed and shook her head._

 

_“come on, drunky. you need to get a shower,” she sighed once more as she gathered lena in her arms, pulling her up as gently as she could, lest she want lena getting dizzy and making a mess on their floor._

 

_lena, on her part, tried her best to help kara with her weight, but it was all for naught when all she could do was lean all her mass on kara’s solid body, her lips yet again breaking into a wide grin. “shower with me.”_

 

_kara blinked, blank for a second, and then spluttered when she seemed to realize what lena said. “lena, what—”_

 

_“please,” lena pouted, frowning up at kara as she gathered kara’s collar in her hands. “what if I slip in the shower?”_

 

_now, kara wouldn’t want that, would she?_

 

_sighing, she slid her hands up to lena’s arms and steadied her, locking blue eyes with green. “okay,” she nodded, smiling slightly when lena perked up in her place. “but, you’ll strip on your own. I don’t know if I’m ready to take your clothes off in a situation outside of consummating our marriage.”_

 

_lena snorted, but nodded as she saluted mockingly. “yes, ma’am.” and with that, she’s gone to the bathroom, stumbling every now and then, but miraculously managing ot catch herself before falling completely._

 

_when the door of the bathroom closed quietly, kara let out a heavy breath, feeling all her strength drain from her toes. she couldn’t believe that she was going to see lena naked for the first time, and quite frankly, she wasn’t sure if she’s ready to see what was beneath lena’s clothes._

 

_sure… she’d imagined, perhaps, once or twice, but that was within her rights… right? lena was her wife after all…_

 

_kara snorted. then again, lena wasn’t **hers** at all. lena was never hers to see, never hers to touch, and never hers to kiss without the intentions of appearing like a young couple in love. _ _seeing lena naked for the first time, **in the shower** , was only because lena was drunk and she didn’t want to slip._

 

_r_ _ight, and speaking of that._

 

_kara heard the shower inside the bathroom and took that as her cue to start stripping herself. once done, she entered the bathroom slowly, not wanting to cause any accidents,_

 

_because the point of joining lena in the shower was to keep her from slipping. she was thankful for the steam covering the glass door of the shower. it gave her some time to prepare herself a little bit more, and that was where she stalled. she took another deep breath, curling and uncurling her fingers to relax._

 

_but that was when lena looked up to her, green eyes surrounded by an alarming shade of red around the eyelids, and kara wondered just where the hell did giggly lena go._

 

_it was all it took for her to step forward and enter the shower, all reservations forgotten. she stood behind lena and slowly, very slowly, pressed her body against the brunette’s_ _back, her cheek against the side of her head. her arms twitched at the sides of her body, but she couldn’t bring herself to hold lena just yet._

 

_“what’s wrong?” she asked silently, concern dripping from every syllable she uttered._

 

_lena sniffled and shook her head, but did not resist when she felt the tentative touch of kara’s hands on her waist. “I’m just remembering.”_

 

_“remembering what?”_

 

_“… things.”_

 

_kara, feeling bolder with the lack of resistance from lena, eventually slid her hands further until they’re clasped together over lena’s stomach, her embrace loose but secure enough to let lena know she was there._

 

_“you can talk to me, lena. it will be just between the two of us,” and before she knew it, she was turning her head to press a soft kiss on lena’s temple._

 

_“promise?”_

 

_“promise.”_

 

* * *

 

 

it was almost midterm week and kara had a lot of things to do.

 

inform her students that their examination would be submitted online: check.

 

communicate with alex to finalize certain things: check.

 

inform nia that she won’t be available for mentoring the entire week: … not yet check.

 

kara cursed quietly. of course, she’d forget about the person who’s basically employed her to help her out with her thesis. quickly grabbing her phone from her purse, she

 

dialed nia’s number, but not after noticing the number of messages she had in her notification bar. she ignored it for now and waited as her phone rang thrice, before hearing the familiar voice of her advicee.

 

“hello?”

 

“nia! hey, it’s kara.”

 

nia chuckled. “I know that. I do have your number, you know?”

 

“oh,” kara cleared her throat, ducking her head to hide her warming cheeks from nobody. “right. well, anyway, I was just wondering if you’re free some time before lunch? I just need to talk to you about something.”

 

there was nothing but silence at the other side of the call and kara almost thought that nia had hang up, until she heard some shuffling at the other end.

 

“nia?”

 

“yeah! sorry, sorry, I was just—I got a little distracted. but, yes, I am free later. I’ll drop by your office?”

 

“yes, perfect. I’ll see you in a bit. bye.”

 

* * *

 

 

come later before lunch, kara opened the door to nia’s sheepish form, inviting her inside with her usual warm smile. kara ushered her to one of the seats near her desk, before taking the opposite to it.

 

“sorry to call you in out of nowhere, but I had to tell you something important.”

 

nia frowned as she tilted her head to the side, holding her folders a little tighter against her stomach. “is there something wrong?”

 

“no! no, no,” kara chuckled and reached up to push her glasses back, shaking her head. “sorry. it’s not _that_ serious, but it _is_ important. anyway, thing is, I won’t be available for mentoring this coming week, so we might have to move our schedules for next week.”

 

“oh. is it because of midterms?”

 

“… no,” kara cleared her throat. “well, I have plans, basically, and so I won’t be here in the university all week.”

 

nia nodded slowly. “okay, well, I can just send my questions through email, then?”

 

kara barely stifled a groan. “I’m sorry, but I really won’t be available the entire week. i… uh, well, I’m going somewhere with my wife.” she said, emphasizing her last word.

 

“oh!” nia flushed in embarrassment. “of course! oh, gosh, I’m sorry. I didn’t even—it’s just, it’s not even time for vacations, so I didn’t even think of that—I’m sorry—”

 

“nia, nia! it’s fine,” kara laughed, her cheeks all red as well. “I understand. I know it’s kind of, um, yeah, unexpected but I’m sure you’ve heard of the rumor and…” she sighed softly with a little smile on her lips. “well, you’re the first person to know in the university, but they’re true. my wife and I are trying for a baby.”

 

nia didn’t know how to react – or she knew, but she didn’t know which exactly to show her professor. a part of her was glad that things seemed so much better between kara and her wife. indeed, she’s genuinely glad that kara looked so much happier, especially with them apparently trying for a baby.

 

but a part of her, one so deeply buried under all the genuine happiness she felt for her professor, couldn’t help but remember that night when kara called her while crying, obviously needing someone’s comfort even while trying to deny it to nia.

 

she couldn’t help but remember how hurt she sounded like – how hurt she looked like.

 

it wasn’t her business, but … she just couldn’t help it.

 

she couldn’t help the curiosity, the wonder on what actually happened behind closed doors. she couldn’t help but wonder just how horribly kara was treated before this seemingly happy chapter of kara’s life right now.

 

it wasn’t her business, nia knew that so well, and yet…

 

“nia?”

 

kara’s voice snapped her out of it, and she straightened up quickly and stuttered a reply, “I’m happy for you! really, I am, and I understand that you won’t be able this week. I swear, it’s fine. just… just message me, when you get back, yeah? or, you know, just tell me when you’re available for mentoring. it’s fine.”

 

kara sighed in relief and reached out to squeeze nia’s hand in gratitude. “thanks for understanding, nia. I promise by the time I come back, your paper’s going to have less than three percent similarities with other papers in the world.”

 

nia rolled her eyes playfully. “I’m looking forward to that.”

 

at that exact moment, a series of knocking on the door captured both their attention, and it’s almost funny how nia already knew who was at the other side of the door. with a soft sigh, she watched as it opened to reveal her professor’s wife, and nia had to watch kara stand quickly and greet her wife with what seemed to be a longing kiss on her cheek.

 

“oh,” lena said, finally noticing her there. “did I interrupt something?”

 

kara was about to reply, but nia beat her to it. “no, mrs. danvers. professor kara was just informing me ab—” nia blinked in bewilderment when kara started signaling behind lena, shaking her head as if to stop her from saying more.

 

_well, then, it must be a surprise._

 

lena, noticing nia’s expression, frowned and turned back to kara, who quickly dropped her hands and blinked innocently at her. that didn’t stop lena’s suspicions.

 

“nia was just about to leave, actually. I was just telling her that her work has about ten percent similarities with published works, so… yes. um,” kara turned to her, smiling gratefully. “have a happy lunch, nia. I’ll see you _next time_.”

 

nia almost giggled at that, but managed to stifle it as she bade her goodbyes to them. once she’d closed the door behind her back, she sighed heavily and turned to leave, only to falter when she saw a familiar face among the crowd.

 

she felt dread crawl across her chest, but she kept her eyes locked with that piercing gaze and shook her head.

 

just like that, the man was gone.

 

* * *

 

 

“are you hiding something from me?” lena asked with narrowed eyes as she placed their packed lunch on the coffee table. she crossed her arms beneath her chest afterwards, still locking her gaze on kara’s eyes, which seemed to be trying their best to look at _anything and anywhere but her_.

 

“what? no, of course not!” kara squeaked as she plopped down on the couch, unnecessarily arranging the pillows and then pulling the table closer to her. “what would I be hiding from you?”

 

“oh, I don’t know,” she shrugged. “something involving nia?”

 

that made kara stop and slowly look up to lena, finally meeting her gaze steadily, it unnerved lena. “nia’s my advicee.”

 

lena clenched her jaws. “I know that, but you seemed a little jumpy whenever I come here and she’s around.”

 

“no, I am not,” kara frowned. “how did you even come up with that? nia’s my advicee and that’s all there is to it. nothing else. nia’s not like that.”

 

lena closed her eyes and exhaled softly, choosing not to let kara’s latter words affect her. “okay, I’m sorry.”

 

she quietly began taking out the containers inside the bag she brought, arranging them properly on the table. fruit salad with a side of potstickers for kara, and a serving of vegetable salad for her. it was a good distraction from the ache in her chest and the nagging voice at the back of her head, reminding her that she wasn’t the one who’d been unfaithful in their marriage. although kara wasn’t exactly faultless, herself, but lena knew it occurred because lena wasn’t exactly the perfect wife for her as well…

 

and there was that night when she told kara she didn’t care.

 

anger began to creep along her veins as she took her container and stabbed a piece of vegetable with her fork. who was she kidding? of course, she cared. she always had, but she failed at showing that, all because kara fell in love with someone who wasn’t her. and what’s worse was that, she couldn’t even blame kara.

 

it was all her fault to begin with.

 

her salad was saved from another stabbing when kara’s hand hold her own, effectively catching her attention. slowly, she looked up and swallowed at the look in kara’s eyes. lena almost laughed. why did she have to look so apologetic when she wasn’t even at fault in the first place?

 

“I’m sorry,” kara said. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

 

“no, it’s okay. it was my fault,” lena shook her head. “i—”

 

“that’s not an excuse,” kara sighed. “just accept my apology, please?”

 

lena regarded her silently, then nodded slowly with a smile. “okay, as long as you accept my apology, too?”

 

kara smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes, it was still _something_. “deal.” she let go of lena after that, and the latter almost chased after kara’s hand, already missing its warmth and weight. “actually, nia was here because of something that had to do with you.”

 

lena blinked languidly and tilted her head to the side, waiting for kara to elaborate, and kara did with a soft, nervous sigh.

 

“you see, uh, well, we’re trying for a baby, right?” kara smiled bashfully, and lena couldn’t help but return it in the same fashion. “and I read somewhere that things could work quicker and smoother if there’s lesser stress involved so… I figured, you know, after our next appointment with dr. ardeen…” kara pursed her lips tightly before continuing, “we could go on a week-long vacation? just the two of us?”

 

lena couldn’t believe what she was hearing. a week away from work and stress with no one else but kara seemed too good to be true, but it was _real_ , wasn’t it? because kara was here, informing her about it, looking so hopeful that she’d agree, and lena knew that she was defenseless against those puppy eyes, practically begging her to say yes.

 

and god, who was lena to say no to that face? with an almost incredulous laugh, she shook her head, but directed a smile at kara as her affirmation.  “a vacation sounds really nice, kara. I’m looking forward to it.”

 

kara was practically buzzing in her seat. “great! I already have the place in mind. I’ve been planning this with alex for _weeks_. I swear, you’ll love it.”

 

lena laughed. “I’m sure I will.”

 

and she knew this because watching kara simultaneously devour her food and thank her for it was probably one of her favorite things to watch. she knew this because kara always offered the first drink of juice to her, before practically drinking half of the bottle’s content because she’s insatiable just like that. she knew this because kara would always offer to clean up, claiming that she’s a messy eater after all, and lena had already done too much by preparing their food and coming over to eat lunch with her. she knew this with how she’d admonish kara for lying down on the couch and resting her head on her lap just to be a little brat, knowing full well that lena was always careful when it came to proper digestion of food and all that scientific jazz kara never bothered to put to mind.

 

she knew this very well, because time spent with kara was never a dull one.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“well, she looks nothing like her personality. I’m almost impressed.”

 

brown eyes rolled as a bored sigh escaped scarlet lips. “I did warn you. she’s the loyal type.”

 

“eh, that makes it even more fun.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i figured there's been too much mystery and angst (?) in most chapters since the beginning, so i figured a break from all that is well-deserved by our heroines. look forward to the next chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are highly appreciated!
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr/twitter @ dcanslist


End file.
